it's for me to know and for you to find out

2008-10-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA! MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!

hello everyone I am back.dun worry it's not permanent.i know this blog here has been collecting alot of dusts eversince dunno when.because im currently leading a very happy life by keep updating on my new site.of course i am back here with a motive right? well let me see...

basically i so called miss blogging here.no matter what blogger is still the most popular domain for all users.i did spent some time reading through some of my previous posts in here.was actually quite surprised as i was totally a different person here than i am now in my current site.i realised that throughout the time i had been blogging here,i was unhappy most of the time.alot of things happened which made me what i was and therefore influenced my style of blogging.

well if you think that i have coolen down,then ure wrong because the hatred is still there.it will not and will never be gone.i just dun wanna waste my time thinking about it.

okay so i am here in commemoration of Hari Raya to apologise to the ppl whom i have wrong.u may call me childish or what but i will never forgive that bitch for whatever she had done.im here to apologise to all my friends and all those people whom i have wronged or misunderstood..

- my 6 women cliques especially Jannah who have been thru alot with me
- my 2 male bitches Rahman and Jonathan
- my current MASQOTOZ mates
- my SISTERS!
- my unit CIs Al, Shu and Eng Chuan
- my fomer squad U04 especially Koh Jia Hao
- squad U05 especially the u-know-who people like Ricky,KennethHo, Arron etc.

i would like to extend my whole apologies to all these ppl.i may have apologised to most of them before but i know it will never be enough.it just dread me the most on how alot of people were affected by what i had done previously.especially Jia Hao.there were really alot of things happen to us and im really glad we're back being friends.best friends like how we used to be.thanks for everything.

im happy and proud of myself to have all my loved ones around me.alot of things may have happened.like currently,im going through one of the toughest time in my life.alot of strain of emotions were involved.i have gotten rid of my tagboard as u all can see.if there's anything,do get back to me personally.i just wanna put up this blog to be on display.no matter what,it keeps on track as to what happened all these while.

im blogging to the style of what im currently blogging in my new site.full of vibes and colours.so feel and sense urself what kind of life im currently leading.a true HUMAN kind of life.thanks to all who are always there for me.

i have a very good friend.or a so called indirect sworn sibling of mine currently in the hospital.ICU.he was involved in an accident with my BOSS.but his condition is currently deteriorating.he may or may not survive.so please help me in this favour by praying for his safety.and in return,all of you will be blessed with a good lifel.me as well as the others really need all of ur prayers.it may help our this friend recover.please do help.

i will update or may not update.this is not my permanent blog anyways.

2008-05-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

for the benefit of people who do not have access to my new site,
let me just do a short post here.
i kinda miss my blogging days in blogger.
i read thru all my previous posts.
i realised that i am a much more HAPPIER person now than ever before.
theres not much unhappiness that i needa think off.
let me just do a short summary of what i wanna say all these while okay.

i have alot of eyes out there.
even if u block me,
i cannot see u.
but many people out there can help me see you.
i admit that i envy the propagandas that u made in ur msn nick.
eventhough i may not see them.
but dont worry,
i have seen it all.
thanks arr

one more thing.
the F-ing biaaaatch that i kept saying was not like whom u think.
it was about u all this while.
eversince from the start.
it was not that netball captain i said about.
i have nothing wrong with her.
although both of us have some misunderstandings happening,
but it was solved AGES ago.
i just made use of her to increase the doubts in u.
since u had realised that ure the one i have been talking about all these while,
then congratulations.
i dunnid to make use of that netball captain anymore.
mainly was because i remembered she was once my friend,
a very good friend.
we shared alot of stuffs together n i cherished all those times i spent with her.
until now,
even if alot of shits happen in our friendship,
she's still my friend.
unlike u,
who had been a total stranger to me all this while...

2008-05-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

i guess some people will die when they come here n see i didnt update anything.
furthermore when i announced that i have MOVED.
i just got to know that some particular people have been asking around for my new blog url.
trust me if u know that u land under the F.U.C.K category in my life,
u will NEVER know my new blog url.
im not that sadist in my current blog but when im blogging in this blog,
all those anger suddenly come up to me.
guess this blog only suits when im really in the angry mood.

once again i say,
if u really have that burning desire to know my new blog url,
come ask me personally.
dun make a fool of urself by asking other people who dun even know my new site.
this is seriously freaking hilarious.
shock to c me update here right?
yeahh im just here to make things clear once again to people who DONT understand english in my previous post.

dun worry bitch my life is fun-filled with the birth of my new blog.
also credits of it being born goes to you =))))))

at least im not a coward,chicken,humji or whatever.
and i dun ask people to log in to read my blog.
if u think its u,then its u.
it u think its not u,then not u.
familiar?
get a life

2008-04-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

hello everyone!!
i have OFFICIALLY MOVED to a new site.
dun bother searching for my blog in blogger.
u will take forever.
i dun use blogger anymore.
because im very sick of it,
it gives me alot of problems,
and it sucks.
suck as in SOME people will be very happy to just be able to access to my post free n easy.
i have never considered making my blog private in blogger.
cos it doesnt make sense.
and for people to hack in is like quite an easy task.
so why bother to take risk.

since my BOSS also has started a blog,
and his Xiao Di aka Ricky also,
i might as well join them.
and if ur curious to know,
all our three blogs are NOT registered under blogger.
too bad.

i will only reveal my new site address to those whom really deserve it.
if any of u wants to view my new site,
kindly ask from me my url personally.
if u know that regardless of what happen i wont tell u anything about my life anymore,
so dun bother n be a thickskin to ask me.

this MIGHT be the last post im posting in blogger.
bcos it holds alot of memories in it.
happiness,sadness,anger.
everything.
the blog will still be here.
tagboard will still be here.
i will still come and reply to tags if i have the time to do so.
and if u cant reach me thru msn or wad,
do leave me a tag telling me that u wanna noe my new site url.
if ure loved,
i will give u.
the only difference is that i wont be posting up here anymore unless i suddenly miss posting in here.
lol.

so take note ya'll.
no more blogger for me!
my new site rocks!
i simply LOVE using it.
thanks to BOSS for the inspiration. =)

' ure already doomed.
stop saving ur own backside.
as i say,
u can always hide.
but u can NEVER run away

2008-04-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

okay.
went school SUPER early.
cos class starts at 8am.
jammed MRT.
fcuks.
but still,
i enjoyed today's programme!

other than the lesson,
mainly is the entertainment that really made my day.
each lesson there will b something new coming in.
like WebPublishing,
people busy msn-ing each other IN CLASS.
like this DEV who purposely msn-ed me when he sat right infront of me. -_-"

3D class would be the best.
lol.
had fun with the MAYA thingy.
also a whole lot of laughing session with that Shawn.
blame him on his spastic Hello Kitty.
and other shit stuffs too that really made us laughed for the whole time.
and laughed as in,
Laughing My Fcuking Ass Off

okay.
very good thing is i get to know my classmates better.
was practically crapping la whole time.
let me see if i can remember ALL my classmates name.

ShengYang
Shawn
Dev
Vicki
Rahimi
Cheryl
Iskandar
Alvin
Zhang Ke
ChingWen
Yong Bin
Kayden
Weijie
Jaslyn
JianXiang

YAY!
i can rmbr everyone's name!!
wahaha!

tml first lesson start 1.30!!
yay!!
finally can sleep late and wake up late.
but will need to head down to SP to buy those freaking books.
lol.
im awaiting the html one.
like damn interesting.
=)))

__________________________________________________________________

dun contradict urself can?
why has it been ur professionalism?
being a POSER?
and a FAKER?
it is definitely SO FAKE la when i found out wad i c.
u shud be grateful that i didnt note down ur name or what u have done in here.
u will get the biggest humiliation in life.
in fact,
ur pride has already gone also right also partly because of this.
but too bad that u DUNNOE that we know about it.
TOO BAD.
so,
go la.
continue cooking up fake conversation with people who DUN EVEN EXIST.
sad childhood

_________________________________________________________________

walao.
i look at BOSS and his Xiao Di's blog i DAMN JEALOUS okay.
both of them created a blog each few minutes ago.
inspired by BOSS's GREAT idea.
i really LOVE the format and custom settings of their blog la.
and their blogs are NOT registered under blogger.
once im very sian with blogger,
i may move to a new blog like theirs.
like soo cool can.
no more .blogspot.com over there.
but it's .-i wont reveal here.com
blogger is getting more unsafe and im seriously like tired of using it.

' xanga,livejournal,wordpress.
i wanna move in into one of these like theirs!
im so jealous can

2008-04-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

okay.
i know that i didnt update on yesterday's event.
i was really busy surfing some interesting websites.
lol.
k here it is..

Tuesday 15 April

first class started at 11am.
very good la start late
k the main point i wanna talk about here is
HO CHEE MENG 's lecture!!
im soo gonna love his lectures man.
he make lectures soo interesting.
i had fun and in the process also,
i learn.
only Shawn n ShengYang may know wad i meant by that. XDDDD

and i swear that Shawn is like really like a duplicate of FABIANKOH only as in personality la but appearance wise,
he's like a duplicate of MARIO.
he really damn entertaining can?!
it was quite unexpected he sat on my left in the lecture theatre while ShengYang sat on my right.
and we began crapping throughout the whole 2hrs lecture.
and learn also okay!!
tall guys always got their another part of the brain stimulating.
i wonder why.
lol.

k lets talk about KAYDEN.
he was freakingly from UNITYSEC!!!
and only until Cheryl told me then i know.-_-"
k its not im oblivious of my own sec sch ppl k.
KAYDEN was suppose to be a year 2 student in SP but he transferred from interior design course to my digital media course.
thats why la...
then we were like,
" i never c u before lei"
hahahaha..
then i go check unity sec class photos.
finally i spotted him.
how can i not know man.

now i got an addition to my overnight msn conversation.
ShawnTan.
lol.
can crap the shit out of ourselves.

Today 16 April

start of the lesson again with MATH.
Wong or WingKee or whatever he wanna me to call him really make me change my perspective on math teachers.
maybe if i had him during my secondary school days,
i WILL LOVE math.
he's so cute.
>.<
the way he teach okay.
i duwan a guy who looks like he's a father of five.

after that was breakkk!!!!
one lesson only then break.
haha.
best.
after eating,
played DAIDEE with ShengYang,Shawn n JianXiang.
haha.
cant believed i won quite a number of times.
at least everyone won once la.
Shawn was damn impatient can.
just cant wait to win n dun even give me the chance to say whether i wan pass anot.
-_-"
he still can joked about VAYKAY~.
please la.
its VICKI.
lol.
u VIWAWA obssessor.
hahaha.

after break was WebPublishing practical.
haha!!
its basically about talking in html codes.
at least im familiar with it.
it benefits well for those who have blogs.
n the lesson is definitely interesting.
and it soo happens that Rahimi sat beside me.
now i get to experienced what he has got to say.
really crappy can.
he had trouble with his wireless connection n is still so happy about it.
lol.
n when we were doing the html thingy,
he was soo obssessed with powerpuff girls.
hahaha...
wth.

in the process,
my wireless also got cut off for quite a couple of times la.
but still able to be busy msn-ing in the process.

lessons ended half n hr earlier.
basically today im in school for only 2 lessons.
lol.
proceed back to Dover station n board the train.

something bad actually happened in the middle.
dont wish to comment.
it's not anyone's fault anyway.
it's just some stupid people trying to be more stupid.
dunnid to regret over things that had happened.
im the one getting it though.

k tml my first class start at 8am.
fuck.
i hate it.
imagine the bus.
imagine the mrt.
imagine the roads.
omfg.
can someone send me a helicopter as a birthday gift?

but i really look forward to go school these few days.
=))))

' BOSS it's okay la.
ure not at fault.
dun worry.
i just wan u to be back like normal again.
please adapt to ur school.
im deeply aching

2008-04-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

First day of school today.
all i can say is dots...
eversince secondary school and even up till now,
i have never experience a good start on the starting day of the week.
Monday's timetable is the longest and most lag one.
to add on,
first lesson of the day starts early and i had to squeezed in with loads more people in the MRT.
and that's seriously people,
sucks.
still is from YewTee up to JurongEast and up to Dover.
imagine the transit moments and the millions of people rushing in just to get inside the pathetic MRT.
it's like as if there's only one MRT working in Singapore.
okay thats not the main point.

THE MAIN POINT IS,
every Monday,
means every starting day of the week,
FIRST lesson.
it is a lecture on MATHEMATICS.
omg.
whatever that had been said was right afterall.
i can NEVER escape from math.
even received whole stack of notes and tutorial which will see me through the semester.
today's chapter being covered is on MATRICES.
and this chapter will benefit those who had taken Amath before in Secondary school.
for people like me,
sorry to say,
i HAVE TO,
no.
i MUST blend well.

u can call me 'wong' or 'wing kee'.
winky?
lol

today i dunno how many times i did a so called ice breaking thingy until i get tired of it.
CD lesson would be the most interesting one today although it's among the longest.
basically is because we did that oh-so-common-lame game which turns out to be fun.
of course it is when 1B/22 is concerned.
DEV plays musical instrument,exercises regularly,like rainy days,speak more than one language,is an only child,has a special talent(dancing),watch ICE AGE 2.
he really can fill up alot of things there.
first day only the whole class was in chaos.
was practically sticking up to Sheng Yang all the time la.
Lunch time the whole lot of us went to have our lunch in Foodcourt 6.
well 2 hours break is DEFINITELY long. -_-"

all i can say is that there are quite a number of jokers in my class.
DEV is of course one of them.
one more joker.
SHAWN.
he really reminded me of FABIAN.
like seriously.
his actions and all that.
even the way he smiled and laughed.
really like that FABIAN lj sia.
hahah.
and SHAWN was also the joke of the day.
after lesson which was before lunch time,
he went to i dunno where.
he called up Iskandar to find out where are all of us eating.
Iskandar replied to him Foodcourt 6.
we wonder wth he heard,
he went all the way to Foodcourt 3 which was right over near the other end.
only to realised that he was at the wrong place when he called back Iskandar.
we waited for him and there he came drenched in sweat.
he was really perspiring profusely!!
seems like he just got back from a marathon or something.
with his bag and all that.
everyone was practically laughing la but its okayy.
and Shawn is born on the 12th of September!
yeah baby.
and he still can tell me how he wish he was born a day earlier. -_-"

oh ya.
i nearly forget.
KAYDEN really resembles BOSS!!!
this is sooo really similar ok.
his facial expressions and all that.
even the voice!
lol.
he's a nice guy too.
i find his name quite interesting.
KAYDEN~

okay at least tomorrow is not that bad.
lesson starts at 11am and only ends at 4pm.
including the 1 n a half break.
wth

___________________________________________________________________

BOSS is feeling so miserable.
he said he cannot adapt to his NEW ENVIRONMENT.
he named his school as the black hole.
he named the people there as aliens.
he,
being one of the students there,
does that make him an alien too??
lol.

i admit i laughed at him okay.
but im also worried la.
while im already starting to get use to my new environment,
BOSS is not.
and from his way of talking to me,
it sounds really different with the element of sadness in it.
nevermind.
lets wait for a few more days okay.
first day today just give leeway la.

if he's still like that,
i will never have peace in my mind.
god bless his soul and give him the strength. =))

' nothing is too long or too far.
one stop away.
one phonecall away.
one sms away.
be strong k

2008-04-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

just got back from HTA for NPAP.
damn tired and my legs are freaking aching.
especially wearing that dumb court shoes for almost four hours straight and within that 4 hours,
im standing all the way!
omg.
i was cursing like a mad woman there.
only Jannah could hear wad i was cursing and she treated it as a form of entertainment. -_-"

okay lets look on the bright side.
i saw alot of my batchmates and squadmates!
while waiting outside Everest room,
chatted with Huiping,Jiatru and Angela.
then Amos came.
more omg.
he looked damn different!!
he actually slimmed down alot!!
i was shocked for a moment when i saw him.

then more n more came.
Rena my love was right in front of my face but i didnt even realise it.
instead i was practically looking and waving at my sister,Julitta!
and Julitta was behind Rena!
see la Rena.
do something about your height.
hahaha!!
saw more others too.
Yenlin i love ur curls!lol.
saw Dexmond,Razak,Ivan,Jovian and ya Nicol kept giving me that cheeky face. -_-"
today's joker of the day,
i can SAFELY say is Jovian.
i think he took the wrong medicine.
well theres more,
Agnes,Qayuum,Bing Xiang and more la k.

i had to do ushering with Jannah.
we're like sai kang warriors.
i can tell u i quite enjoyed myself la cos me n Jannah was practically entertaining ourselves there.
while the parade is commencing,
i made a new friend.
Chester Liew.
he was the one who came to me and Jannah and talked to us as he was lonely in the admin room.
he's a very nice guy indeed.
it was very nice and comfortable talking to him.
although he's from one of the earlier batches,
he dun act like he's more bigger and experienced.
very very humble.
not like some people. XD

lets skip the aftermath part of the parade la.
if not i will really be long winded.

me and Jannah had to rush back as some people were waiting for us at bustop.
changed to PT kit,
sat awhile in Everest room to get green light,
and off we go.
sms-ed lovelove that i had to go off.
sadded.

went back home with Jannah and some others.
was really pissed off with the actions of one particular person la.
i already said a couple of times that if wan to show that kind of attitude,
dun show it infront of me.
but i guess i really watch that show BIG TIME.
i was really really damn pissed off.
Jannah was also pissed off.
as it has got nothing to do with me,
i calmed myself down and talked to Qayuum and Yuewen in the bus.
but i was really burning inside.
if i follow my own principle,
my shoes would already have flown to that person face.
its not that i wanna say this person la.
but please.
even if u have some unhappiness regardless if it involves whoever la eh,
dun give that kind of attitude.
i have seen enough.
u know u have one doting friend over ur side but it's as if u dun appreciate her.
what for if she's ur close friend if she cant even listen to ur rants and help u solve any problems of urs.
but instead of doing anything to solve the matter,
u showed faces to her,
no.
to everyone,
and act as if u own the world.
can't u just understand how would people feel?
cant u just understand how she felt as ur friend when u so called ignored her?
i hope u can just do some self reflection.
bcos i really get frustrated seeing these kind of people who hide their own emotions and problems but yet show faces.
just remember,
its not only u who can give attitude problems.
other people also can.
and one more thing,
its not only u who have problems.
other people also have.
even some,
worse problems than urs.
u know whom u can turn to.
and this is when the word FRIEND comes in.
think about it.

okay.
took 302 in CCK interchange with Jannah and her brother.
after Jannah and her brother alighted,
when the bus reached YewTee MRT station stop,
BOSS boarded the bus.
lol.
bcos i asked him board that one la.
cannot be so coincidence right.
i know he abit pissed la.
bcos i was fickleminded in choosing a place to meet.
i just asked him to wait at YewTee bustop but i didnt expect him to be there quite early.
he gave that grumpy face when he boarded the bus but its okay.
after he heard what i had to say,
he instant change and back to his normal 'kiddy' state. -_-"
we went Limbang to slack for awhile.
did some stupid stuffs and shared some lame jokes after a whole period of ranting session conducted by me.lol.
i not sadistic k.
only he's the one whom can lend me a listening ear and provided me with some advices.
excluding the no common sense advices as self entertainment.ROFL.
i went back home after that as i was feeling really lethargic.

yeah BOSS our school starting VERY soon.
we will also re-schedule all our MEETING SESSIONS.
u can always find me during break time.
we're just one stop away from each other.
hahaha.

u know how it irritates me when u kept asking me about ur Xiao Di?
think i middle messenger arr???
i dun live under the same roof as ur Xiao Di okayy.
and ya,
ur 'chicken little' dance looks like a lost pole dancer doing belly dancing in the hot desert.
it was hilarious-ly disgusting.
entertaining la k.
thanks for TRYING to cheer me up.
ROFLMAO

' nothing that u do will ever work on me anymore

2008-04-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

okay.
today will be the first time im blogging abt NPCC training.
went to Unity with Ma'am Shu.
was quite pathetic la cos i thot Jannah wont b coming as like she said,
she has poly orientation.
so,fine.
but who knows she scammed me!
and she conspired with Ma'am Shu to give me a surprise?
i was like shouting in canteen la when i saw Jannah.
then Ma'am Shu still LAUGHED OUT LOUD.
i stunned for a moment can.
wad a surprise.
alrd i was thinking alot how things will go as Jannah not coming.
but its okay.
im just glad she came.
hahaha.

it was one of the rare times when i really felt happy during NPCC trainings.
if im nt wrong,
the last time i was happy like today when in NPCC training was the last training i had with U04.
some things were sorted out.
my U07 was great.
some U05s came down.
Jannah was not herself in a good way.
plus Ma'am Shu who was there to liven up spirits.
nyeahahhaa.
u will never know wad i mean.

after training,
went to meet up with some people.
really sorted things out.
i was really glad this happens la.
i was happy they learnt their mistakes.
and what matters most,
NOW THEY KNOW WAD HAS BEEN HAPPENING!!
yay!
after today,
i will let them off.
i will let go of the matters involving them.
as i know,
they're not totally at fault.
this is just the start of something new.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB!

went to watch awards night.
already standby my camera there cos SOMEONE wan me take video of him when he go up to receive award.
wth.
oh,
before i forget.
i saw alot of my classmates and other friends.
like delson,clement,weehow,xingwei,agnes and more la.
BOSS and gang came down too.
mainly to support lw n gab performing.
raj was the drummer.
lol.
and ya plus the new female vocalist.
gab missed some key notes there and some parts of the music turn spastic.
i think not many ppl realised that.

i didnt manage to cheer for Ricky,Shahidah and Arron when they went up the stage.
as mainly,
i was recording video of them.
well its okay,
the shoutings of the others can already own everything.
congrats to all.
and i hope that Arron is chilling up. XD

after awards night,
i was with Ricky and Kenneth Ho when Ricky and his father offered both of us a ride home in the taxi.
myself and Kenneth Ho was reluctant la to hitch a ride in the cab.
finally,
as Ricky's dad had already halted a cab,
we had no choice.
if not we will be so called arguing on the pathway and will also b doing scissors papers stone there. -_-"
thanks to both Mr Teow(s).
especially to the junior one.
one day i treat u k.
lol.

___________________________________________________________________

so u do have a problem when i say u do not have a life?
because u really dont la.
stop bragging about stuffs that ure not sure of.
u will never expect what will happen next.
stop acting cute as if u dunno wads happening.
and u really no life can...
poser.
no originality.
as quoted by some people(lol).
"my style is copyrighted k"
as far as i know,
ONLY I say things in THAT way.
i had this style eversince dunno when.
only now then u start to follow cos U THINK i can never realise.
but sorry to say,
I DO REALISE.

please la k.
whatever u do now is all useless.
stop talking about traps.
i know u created it first.
dun fucking give people the impression that ure the fucking victim.
dun fucking try to gain sympathy and garner support.
dun fucking shoot me back when u dun fucking know wad u shooting.
dun fucking act innocent and try to make me change my perspective of you.
is this STYLE familiar to u?
HA-HA-HA!

stop 'calling' ur FAKE NON-EXISTENT friends to help u la.
it's soooo fake and damn pathetic can?!
these 'friends' of urs dun even exist.
im scared of ghost okay

___________________________________________________________________

lol BOSS.
i know just now u saw GHOST.
u know whom i talking about.
i know u attempted to bash up this ghost.
but i know just now was a big event and ur pride plus face is at stake.
sumore bashing up someone who is nt worth it.

and i will apologise if u think i leave u alone,like u said to me.
no.
its the other way round lor!
lol.
nevermind.
its not a conducive place anyway.
haha.
sumore with semi conducive people around.
ROFL.
cya tml!

' specially to BOSS,
i know ur Xiao Di just now very smart right and never disappoint u right.
but u still dunnid to keep repeating it to me in sms n msn until i can go BONKERS!

2008-04-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

2nd post of the day...

since Rena mentioned my name in her survey,
just let me do one to return her the favour.
=))

Name 5 people you can think of rightoff the top of your head.Or you canuse your top 5.Don't read thequestions underneath until you writethe names of all 5 people.This is a lot funnier if you actuallyrandomly list the names first...NO CHEATING

1. BOSS
2. Ricky
3. Rena
4. Jannah
5. Julitta

DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UPTHE TOP!!!!

1. How did you meet number 3?
73rd batch CIBTC squad DELTA!!!

2. On a scale 1-10 rate yourfriendship with number 5?
11 !! hahaha. Our time spent together is definitely worth it!

3. How long have you known 4?
this yr will be 6 years and still counting

4. How do you know number 2?
same sec school and CCA

5. What would you do if 3 told youthey loved you?
awww~ I will love her too

6. A fact about number 1.
he’s my ever cute sporty shuai BOSS -_-“

7. Who is 4 going out with?
err.HAHAHA

8. What does 5 do for a living?
studying la. Guai kia k. n ROFL

9. Would you live with number 3?
hehehe.why not? We cn have an overnight bitchy session

10. What do you like about number 1?
he’s the greatest guy I have ever known. His straightforward-ness and caring attitude.understanding.and is a HACKER.lol

11. Do you miss number 2?
haha.yeah.AS A CLOSE FRIEND.later if dun miss some ppl will sulk.ROFL

12. Would you kiss number 3?
if I ever have the chance to do so,I will.hahaha

13. What's your opinion of number 4?
very very very understanding friend of mine.we always share secrets.u know,I know.=)))

14. What's your favorite memory withnumber 1?
actually is all the moments when he act cute infront of me

15. What would you do if 1 and 2 went out?
I definitely will go mad.mad as in my mind screw will be loosened

16. Ever had a long conversation with5?
not really. But each conversation is definitely meaningful la!!! Right sister?!haha XD

17. Have you ever slept at 2's house?
lol! No lah.sleep there for what

18. Do you hang out a lot with 3?
can la.not really that lot.she too busy.sad case.lol!

19. Who have you known the longest?
number 1. my dearest BOSS aka lao da.haha.

20. Who have you known the shortest?
number 3 n 5?lol.CI course ma. But it doesn’t matter.i felt like I have known them for life

21. How often do you talk and see 1?
almost the whole of 24/7

22. What about 2?
he’s one cheeky kind of person. Whatever is in related to number 1, u will just find it similar to him. So dun ask anymore

2008-04-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

just now was SP flag day!
pathetically i proceeded to Yishun MRT alone.
quite a number of SPs were there.
all wore same shirt for flag day of course i can recognise la.
reached Yishun just nice 7.30am. -_-"
i thot we were supposed to report somewhere before starting with our work.
but nahh.
we instant stationed one spot n start le.

spotted one of my classmate who had helped me 2 days ago during SPICE training.
his name is Sheng Yang.
very nice guy.
he damn enthu can?!
he reminded me of last yr's USS flag day when Foo BiaoChun Jonathan was practically asking for donation from ALMOST everyone on his sight.
we went for lunch break together and chatted alot of stuffs.
he was once from Northland NPCC.
ONCE arr.
means he quitted halfway.haha.
we continue on with our 'business' till about 2pm and proceeded back to SP along with Iskandar and another guy.

went back rm T2033.
count money.
we had to open the lid like those normal beverage drink one.
then skali for mine,
the tab was detached.
wtf.
then my student leader go punched in.
omg.
i was just so scared that he cut his hand.
lol.
nvm.
muscleman.
confirm can.

went back home online.
again same old thing.
chat with same old people.
lol.
nvm.
use to it.
too use to it.
and i found out this particular thing which made me LMFAO.
i bloghopped to one of my USS friend blog.
he's also in SP but in SBE la.
School of Built Environment.
and he was damn pissed off with his seniors la.
cos during orientation he and some friends need to act as transvertite during campfire.
and guess wad,
at the end of it the seniors go and tore away all these 'transvertites' underwear.
IMAGINE THAT!
someone grabbing ur underwear n tore it!
oh my goodness!
n he was really really piss off with it n was practically scolding hardcore vulgars to his seniors.
style man.

if i have these kind of seniors,
i swear i gonna tear his/her whole clothing wear.

___________________________________________________________________

hey i thot ure the most OH-SO-DARING-PERSON ever???
then why now humji?
dun u wanna know everything?
dun u wanna know the truth??
dun u wanna know wads happening???
why back out?
bcause u realise that u have NO ONE except for the pathetic DOGS???
awwwwwwww~
im so sad for u.
if u got a spy,
i got SPIES k.
brushen up on ur languages before u start fagging.

u made me feel fucking stupid.
as each day goes by,
i really keep getting more n more info about u.
only today then i realise im just ONE of ur victims.
u had done a very vicious and professional job in destroying ppl's lives.
not only one but ALOT.
and im so reluctant to admit that im fucking one of them.
i really didnt expect how u can do all these much.
ure really one kind huh.
very capable.

u think u can make me and other people die?
u think u can make me suffer MORE?
u think u got the rights to bring me down?
u think u own the world?
u think u can control everyone's lives?
in fact ure wrong.
ure VERY VERY wrong.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL MY SPIES MY INFORMERS AND MY FRIENDS FOR ENLIGHTENING ME.
THANKS TO U ALL WHO PROVIDED ME WITH LOTS N LOTS N MORE LOTS OF INFO.
U ALL MADE ME REALISED HOW STUPID I WAS.
BUT U ALL ALSO MADE ME REALISE HOW CLEVER I CAN BE AT PRESENT.
YES I HAVE WISEN UP.
I DEFINITELY REGRETTED WHATEVER THAT HAD HAPPENED.
AND ALSO REGRETTED WHATEVER I HAD DONE.
I BLAME MYSELF FOR MY FUCKING IMMATURE THINKING.
AND OF COURSE,
MY UTMOST STUPIDITY.

i know alot of u made the effort in wanting me to realise all these evil deeds that have been happening.
when before this i just ignore as i didnt experienced it or what,
now i know the reason why.

u can blame me because im the only one who blogged about this.
i know ure reading.
so dunnid act k.
im taking a huge task in representing alot of PARTIES.
not people ok.
PARTIES.
all are going against u.
but im the one summing it up.
so u must thank me.

u think i backstabbed u?
no.
in fact its one of the person that is quite close to u backstabbed u FIRST.
well,
my job is to be the second. =)
u can NEVER blame me for backstabbing u.
as likewhat i had mentioned before in my earlier posts,
U FUCKING BACKSTABBED ME IN THE VERY VERY FIRST PLACE.
for whatever evil deeds u have done,
the WHOLE WORLD is doing it back to u.

i really must take this time to praise ur DOGS.
cos they really learnt well from u.
until they managed to become successful FEMALE DOGS.
yeah.
get it right.
now is no longer fucking bitch only.
fucking bitchES.

thanks alot for everything once again.

as quoted by one of my friends to me,
" i will remember;
and i will also wont forget"

oh,
one thing before i forget.
im SO GLAD that up till now,
not much of my life that u know.
u dun even know that BOSS is a professional account hacker.
=)))

___________________________________________________________________

' BOSS,
my skills are getting better each day.
i know

2008-04-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

i realised that i wanna post this few days back but i forget about it.
AH TONG JESPER gonna pass out as a CLT this coming Friday!!!
along with Alfred too.
will greet ah tong SIR after he passed out.
im sure he gonna have a great POP.
2 days ago we really had a NICE AND GOOD chat in msn.
nobody can ever guess what we talked about.
and as usual,
he is the ever oh so caring and understanding Jesper.
well,
he was the one who asked me about THE topic.
yes,
THE TOPIC.
which is relatively getting hot nowadays.
of course i told him the whole story since HE IS MY FRIEND OF 5 YEARS.
and im glad he could even gave me some suggestions and of course the normal criticisms regarding THE TOPIC.
its really good that he knows everything from top to bottom.
and i was quite taken aback when he said not only him who knows about it.
some others also know.
and speaking of which,
today i just realised 2 other bball girls in unity also know about THE TOPIC.
wow!
its really a hotstuff!!!

will really be looking forward to see this very capable friend of mine.
once i heard,
HAHA.
means its the arrival of AH TONG SIR ~
=))))

___________________________________________________________________

today went back Unity with Jannah.
went to complete some stuffs and chilled out cum gossipped cum bitched plus more la.
as Ricky and Arron had that awards thingy rehearsal,
so decided to wait for them too.
it was not all a rehearsal.
just some talk or wad shit.
and that they finished early and the four of us went ut mac.
headed back home with Ricky.
it was quite a rare sight to be in a so called empty MRT.lol
and i dun talk halfway okay.
i ALWAYS complete my sentence.

went back home online.
was doing some stuffs.
who knows i was being added into a conversation.
as usual,
with those 2 oh so LOVABLE retards.roflmao
BOSS and Ricky aka Lao Da and Xiao Di.
and again,
they were up with their most capable talent.
conspiring with each other to make me confuse.
-_-"
not funny okay.
now i know how to stop the both of u.
muahahahaha.

tml got SP flag day.
damn lol.
still need to report so freaking early.
i need my sleep okay.
alright blame myself for sleeping late.
hope tml is a good day for Singaporeans to be charitable.
hahahah.

___________________________________________________________________

it was already very bad that u spied on one person.
then u made used of ur dogs to spy on me.
then now u wanna spy more?
is that all u can do?
is that all ure capable of?
oh please do get a life.
im ur main target.
u wan spy on me,
by all means!!
isnt my this blog enough for u??
until u still need to carry on with those filthy stuffs behind my back???
wad u wanna find out?
my blog has EVERYTHING.

u wanna spy more?
wan me to give u my house key??
so u know what time i reach home and if i gt cheat u or not??!!
wan me put a computer chip in myself?
so that u can track me down wherever i go whoever im with??!!
wanna divert all my calls to ur phone??!!
so u know whoever has been calling me??!!
wan me send all my phone recordings and msn conversation history to u??!!
so that u know wadda fuck has been happening and whatever ppl had talked or bitched about u??!!
wan me give u my BOSS hp number and home address too??!!
so that u fucking know who he is and how he has got to do with me??!!

i dun settle everything thru phone calls.
i dun make life hard for people thru phonecalls.
i dun trouble others thru phonecalls.
i dun seek attention thru phonecalls.
COS ONLY U DO THIS KIND OF THING AS U DUN HAVE A FUCKING LIFE!

it is just so freaking sad and pathetic that u know nuts about anything.
i felt apologetic for u. AS IF
i dun even treat animals as bad as how u treat fellow humans like all of us.
well now,
i hope u know that ure not a human neither an animal.
ure a BEAST.
get it drilled in ur micro brain, bitch.

BITCH ROX!
k whatever.

' no more OCK la.
BOSS k.
BOSS.
hahaha.

2008-04-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

okayys.
today was the 2nd day of FOP.
suppose to reach SP T2033 by 9am.
was practically cramping in the MRT like wtf.
at that moment,
how i wish i was back in sec school.
just by taking 302 to yewtee and abit of walking n i reached le.
now no more.
after the bus,
theres still the mrt.
worse,
its the ongoing MRT towards Jurong East.
more wtf.

and when i was at YewTee interchange passing through the ticket machine,
i felt the breeze of OCK.
omg.
lol.
i kept glancing to double check if it was really him.
n yes it is.
hahahaha.
at least that brighten up my day early in the morning.
=D

reached SP at around 8.40.
and it was hell for me to find my building.
T20.
and when i finally reached T2033,
it was just nice 9am.
how pathetic.
and i was only the 2nd person who came.
so u cn roughly guess how ppl cannot b on time as they dunno where in the hell is T20.lol.

SPICE training and it was then the distribution of flag day items.
sian.
then my class 1B/22 met our PTN Sharlin Ho.
a very nice lady i can say.
ohhh and did i told u about the strength of my class?

class 1B/22 of year 2008
total strength>>14
no. of guys>>11
no.of girls>>3
no. of malays>>3

omg.
fun can?
but im always stick in a class which got like almost thrice the amount of girls.
like my previous 4/5 in USS,
out of 39,
only 11 are girls.
now is 11 guys,
3 girls.
total strength 14.
best.
out of 3 malays,
im the ONLY malay girl.
2 of them are guys,
Rahimi n Iskandar.
only managed to communicate with Rahimi though.
okay and guess what,
DAVE that insane guy i mentioned in my previous post is in the same class as me!
the moment when he stepped into T2033,
he laughed.
everyone know its him.
he was seriously mad la.
and he was appointed by our PTN as the class rep.
and he was soo proud of it.
lol.

im sooooo happy of my timetable for this semester.
school end relatively late on Fridays.
I LIKE IT!!!<33333>

___________________________________________________________________

im really very sick of u already la.
u know i really felt HEAVENLY when i didnt even bother to think about u??
now u sense how desperate i am to really get rid of u outta my life ASAP.
i dunno why when i already proceeded up to the next level,
i still have to face ur nonsense u fucking bitch.
after right at this point of time,
no thanks arr.
i have my own fucking life!!
not like you!
it is all too late to mend things up.
trying to settle stuffs the 'matured' way?
i want to be immatured also not ur problem okayyy!!

if u can backstab me, i also can.
if u can bitched about me, i also can.
if u can badmouth me, i also can.
if u can fake to me, i also can.
if u can make my life difficult, i can make urs ten times worser.
if u can make other people suffer, i also can and that is to make ur fucking dogs suffer.
AN EYE FOR AN EYE

dun ever fucking ask me why.
im seriously gonna puke when i heard the word 'appreciative'.
ure wad people call,
'the pot calling the kettle black'.
U DUN EVEN FUCKING APPRECIATE ME, BITCH!!!!!!

it's really all too late to mend things up.
i alrd persevered through eversince last year.
i really endured through up to my maximum energy.
not only me,
but 779467394749059 other people who have truly known u VERY WELL.
u really disgusts me!!
disgust disgust disgust!!!!

even if u plead to me,
my heart will never turn back to u.
I WILL NEVER LICK BACK WHATEVER I HAVE SPAT.

it is soo cool for everyone to be watching u being made a big fool of urself.
u dun even know theres a big fucking exciting programme happening behind ur back.
i send my condolences to u.

' BOSS how was my speech?
u inspired me on most of the keypoints.
wahaha!

2008-04-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

eh FABIAN if ure reading this,
next Delta outing go CLUBBING???!!!
lolololololololololololololololololol laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
too obssessed with EngKhye

2008-04-07T22:39:00.000-07:00

today was the first day of my Freshmen Orientation Programme (FOP).
headed down to SP and when i reached there,
everyone seems alien-ic to me.lol.
there are really all kinds of people.
from the really very geek one.
to the really very fashionist one.

actually felt quite glad as i didnt saw any familiar faces at first.
well,
thats me.
i love exploring new environment on my own.
proceeded to the auditorium like what had been stated.
saw MingShu standing alone at one corner.
was quite surprised to see him there la.
and almost for the whole day we were with each other la.
as although we're in different course,
we're in the same school.
he's in DIT while im in DDM.

i find that most of the time while in the auditorium it was basically more of games and performances.
and the emcee was really outgoing.
he made me ROFL for i dunno how many times with his 'whoooo~!'
DIT made up the most freshmen.
followed by DDM,DBIT,DMAT and DISM.
i find that DMAT course and the people quite cool.
as for DDM,
for me most of the freshmen are emo.
emo as in their appearance.
with all those fringes and those eyeliners and those stuck up style.
omg.
i simply love it.
there's only this crazy guy in the same course as mine.
and he's known as DAVE.
damn hilarious la.
everyone loves it when he really 'drop it like its hot' up on the stage.
really sickening ass funny.
DDM rules yeahh.
very very outgoing.
i even spotted one mad student leader frm my course.
his antics just make me LOL-ed eversince i stepped into the auditorium.

there are quite a number of performances i can say.
very interesting.
the bagpipers really interest me.
so unique.
and guess what,
one of the bagpiper really looked like my BOSS.
omg.
especially his side view.
i really really mean it.
i was like staring at him like one dumbass while he was performing.

similar to how i know the first person in my CI course.
like how i know Yue Wen when he sat beside me in the auditorium on Day Zero.
today,
i gotta know this guy named Jia Jun,again,who sat beside me in the auditorium.
he's a really cute guy la i can say.
i mean his actions.
i wonder how many times he changed seat and finally landed beside me.
the first thing he did was to say 'hi' to me.
had a lil chat and how nice of him to offer me a lollipop.lol.
the fragrance of the lollipops that we sucked were damn strong.
i think most people can smell it in that air-conditioned auditorium.

and Jia Jun was really outgoing too.
during the 'scavenger hunt' game,
for the search of the first person who come up to stage with a 1998 10 cent coin,
he really chiong-ed out and even climbed up the stage.
everyone were laughing by then.

i was getting half dead as i was sitting in the auditorium for almost 4 hours.
felt very relieved when the emcee said that we can all go home.
tomorrow is 2nd day of FOP.
there will be sumore activities and the most important one will be the SPICE training.
need to reach SP by 9am.
im now starting to look forward to school.
really.
i have got alot of reasons for that stand.
especially involving....nahh~
MY STUDIES COME FIRST OKAY!

i was sooo ECSTATIC when i saw my timetable.
i can really make full use of my time in SP.
especially on Fridays.
YEAHHHHH~~~
i swear i will take my current course of study SERIOUSLY.
no skipping of classes.
=)
im always a good girl.
*pukes*

___________________________________________________________________

ya BOSS,
ure very weird today i can admit so.
i will be waiting for u to tell me the reason why.
and,
nothing had happened to me and im safe and sound in SP from 1pm to 5pm.
still i cant wait to c u this coming wednesday la.
my FOP for today,tml n thu is COMPULSORY k.
its good than rather i sit plus rot at home.

' i will never be trapped nor deceived by u EVER again.
even if u give me a million dollars.
so stop acting cute to me.
i have had enough.
fullstop,bitch

2008-04-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

i felt abit better today.
my anger eversince last night really cooled down over certain extent.
i really rant out my anger to quite a number of people today.
thanks to people like BOSS,Rena,Ricky,Huiping and some others whom i shall not mention.
really great thanks to all these people for willing to hear out my rants.
although for most of them is, NORMAL.

would also like to express a greater extent of gratitude to BOSS and another 2 person whom shall not be named here,
for being there with me throughout the whole of last night till about 2 plus am.
for really making the effort in cooling me down although they themselves understand the heat of anger that i felt at that point of time and chose to agree with me.
really really love ya'll to bits la!!!

oh,
big thanks to Ricky for the extra HELPER too.
lol.
u know,i know.

i dun wanna say much.
neither do i wanna rant anything about anyone right at this point of time.
just that for the whole of today,
i encountered quite a number of cases regarding bootlickers.
when we really analysed the profile of these bootlickers,
the mastermind still lands on that pathetic fucking bitch.
omg.
see how pathetic she is?

dun try to bootlick to me.
i dun take bootlickers nonsense.
talk to my foot okay.

and wow,
i think there's another potential spy coming up.
the spy as per trained by that fucking bitch.
hey bitch,
u really took the step forward.
i didnt know there are still some dogs supporting u??
yes,
DOGS.
err,
maybe most people may find the word DOG would be a too lenient and gentle adjective to describe all ur supporters.
i agree so.
it is good that u taught ur dogs how to spy on people.
especially on me.
i felt really great and popular.
thanks ar, bitch.

get ur bloody facts right.
THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS NOW ON MY SIDE.
except for u and all ur female dogs.
so long bitches.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Ricky,
u gooood.
goooood arr u.
support la ur dear BOSS.
NBA arr.
OCK! OCK!
k,
i said 15 times alrd right?
come on xiao di,
go report to BOSS!
go go go!
lol

BOSS,
love u to the core la man.
lets do some violent stuns AGAIN.
u know wad i mean.

' these two particular people are loved okay.
stepping on their tail is equals to stepping mine.
so wanna come and slap my face because of this fact?
COME

2008-04-04T23:48:00.000-07:00

FFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why cant people just shut their fucking mouth and mind??!!!
i believe im now MUCH MORE angry THAN before.
i seriously HAVE NEVER been this angry before.
NEVER!!
this is already up to my max.
i've tolerated enough nonsense from whatever kind of bitches i can find in this world.
this is really over the max.

i will NEVER know if i dun get inside info.
k,
since we got a fucking bitch,
now i will name this person fucking slut.
this fucking slut thinks she fucking know everything and wanna shut everyone up?!
CB fuck u la!!!
anyhow say about people?
anyhow fuck about people?
anyhow relate other people with animals?

HEY SLUT!!

who is the animal here in the first place?
u and that fucking bitch okay!
PIGS.
BABI.

i wonder why ur mind is SSOOOOOO corrupted up till the extend u cant even differentiate which is right and wrong.
trust me,
u fucking know nuts about anything!!!
so stop acting like u fucking know everything from head to toe u slut!!!

u better watch ur fucking mouth.
better control ur fucking mind.
watch wad u wanna say or present out.
i should buy insurance for ur mouth and brain i tell u.
dun anyhow implicate innocent people in ur fucking childish thinking.

dun anyhow judge people.
just dun even anyhow think like ure THAT fucking great.
i already see ur face i feel like slapping u left right up down center.
so wad u expect?

yes,
altho u may not involve me.
but ure indirectly involving me.
dun fucking accuse people anyhow.
reflect on ur own fucking actions first before u bitched about others,sluts!!!!!
ure blaming the people who ARE NOT EVEN at fault u fucking slut!
u should be blaming urself or even the fucking bitch that ure close with.
u cannot even fucking respect other people.
especially the ones whom u should respect.
so u think other people will fucking respect u?
u ungrateful piece of shit!

i just dunno how to describe my anger.
i have never been this angry to anyone in my whole life.
my patience has its limits.
now i wont blame myself if im a really changed person.
just look at the way htings are now!
u think i still wanna keep cool?!
fuck la go and die!

u really wanna c the evil side of me?
i can grant u ur wish.
come on,
step on my tail one more time n ur wish is granted.
by the time ur apologies wont be of any meaning to anyone.

fuck u sluts and bitch.

' dun ask me
im seriously damn angry right now.
DAMN DAMN FURIOUS UNTIL I FEEL LIKE KILLING ALL THESE PEOPLE.

dear BOSS,
i really need ur help this point of time.
only u can help me

2008-04-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

fuck u la.
u dun even fucking know everything and u dare to fuck around.
u fucking dare to confront others when u dun even fucking look at urself in the mirror.
u fucking dun make a self reflection about urself.
u still dare to fucking side with that fucking bitch?!
oh wad the fucking fuck.
u as well as that fucking bitch totally disgust me can?
u dont fit to be what ure now.
because u fucking dont know wad ure doing.
and now by fucking accuse other people?
eh halo!
get ur whole fucking story right beforehand before making any assumption.
with so many fucking things that ever happen,
u can fucking jolly well blame it on other innocent people?
is this how ure suppose to react with the position ure in right now?
get ur facts right u fag.

and another fag chose to step in also.
i just dunno wads wrong with this fucking fag.
eh not ur fucking business u also better not anyhow interfere.
ur own business that side u fucking cannot settle it.
so what makes u think ure so fucking great to interfere??!!
u dun even have that fucking dare to face people face to face.
then u fuckingly need to say other people for what??!!
wake up ur fucking idea la.
cant u just realise that ure being made a fucking toy by that fucking bitch??!!
so stop fagging with her can?
dont u just realised ure the one losing out?!
u even fucking backstabbed ur own people la!
so does that make u soo fucking great?!
fuck the hell off!!

the next time when i see u,
i will give u a fucking hard stare.
since u dont dare to fucking talk to me for anything,
i will make sure u had a fucking difficult time when u see me.
i fucking meant wad i say

this part would be dedicated to another group of bitches having close contact with this fucking bitch.
u all also dun even fucking know anything.
so just shut ur fucking trap la!
u all wanna make life difficult for my people?
over my fucking dead body!
thanks to this fucking bitch and thanks to u all for carrying torch for her,
u all really get the fucking disrespect from me as well as the others.
wan drag gang come down harm my people?
lets see who will be at the losing end first.
only uneducated people like u all do these kind of thing.
still fucking wan make use of other people to be on ur side.

THE MORE U FUCKING ASSES HERE WANNA MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT TO MY PEOPLE WHOM HAVE ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH,
I SWEAR I WILL FUCKING SKIN ALL OF U ALIVE.

MARK MY WORDS

___________________________________________________________________

i wont apologise for the amount of vulgars i use in this post.
as the days go by,
im seriously losing my cool with all these people.
dunnid to tell me.
i know im a changed person.
all these fucking people made me what i am right now.
i know i cannot be patient any longer.
i know and i can foresee that i will be bursting very soon.
and i know when the right time comes,
im not alone.

' to my BOSS,
please do take care of urself when im no longer the same person that u have known all these while.
sorry to have troubled you

2008-04-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

okay today sent the cadets for BPGHS fitness challenge.
i wasnt that interested in the challenge.
but more of interested in the military band that was training themselves.
oh how i just love watching them,
along with Jannah.
to add on,
i was really inspired by BPGHS npcc unit.
dun ask me why.
only me n jannah know the answer.
k fullstop.

as u all loyal readers out there can see,
i seldom comment much about anything to do with this commitment im with now.
NPCC.
it's just an extra commitment that i need to perform.
i just dun understand when people get too obssessed with it until they forget the reality.
for me,
i prioritise my FAMILY FIRST,
FRIENDS second,
STUDIES third.
think of the rest on ur own.
and no,
NPCC is NOT my fourth priority.
diss me for all u want.
i dun bother.
i have my own stand and principle.
and NO ONE can ever change it.
and NO ONE can ever force me to do things that i think is not right.
i got my own brain.
and my brain is not to be manipulated by people.
i know wad im doing n i DONT NEED people to tell me wad to do.
it just makes me wonder.
why do i spent my 13 days for?
when wad ive been doing contradicts with wad ive learnt.
like what i say,
my brain is being manipulated.
no.
to be precise,
i am being manipulated.

I LOVE MY FAMILY
I LOVE MY FRIENDS
I LOVE MY STUDIES
I LOVE MY BOSS
so do u get the burning answer now?

' why i turn to be like this?
it's all ur fault.
im back to what i was previously,
THANKS TO YOU!

___________________________________________________________________

April Fool's day.

SOME people chose to prank me in the form of msg early in the morning while i was still in my la la land.
SOME people also chose to call me.
to PRANK.
but too bad i dun take pranks.
altho some of the pranks really cracked me up.

the most hardcore prank would be from BOSS.
out of so many pranks,
his prank was the one that trapped me.
would not reveal it here.
wad for reveal something that u know will only make u paiseh.
lol.
so now then u know the reason.

___________________________________________________________________

lw.
just forget about what happen yesterday.
its all done by immatured people.
but dun worry,
myself as well as the others will always be there for u when u need us.
i believe this incident will strike again.
dun worry about me.
im fine.
i have suffered even a major blow than this.
so its okay.
an i really must thank u for standing up for me yesterday.
and also thank BOSS for being the concluding person.
lol.
cheer up okay.

___________________________________________________________________

i may not be the person that i should be.
im now a stranger to myself.
i dun even know wad makes me become like this.
maybe situation?
high possibility.
eversince yesterday incident,
i get further away from my soul.
is it true like what BOSS had said?
im unleashing back my past character.
that would be the most thing i feared of.

someone please enlighten me.
if u think im not like how u always know me,
get me back into reality.
i still dont realise the sudden change in myself.

' dear BOSS,
do give me some time

2008-03-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

yesterday went bowling with the other 5 women cliques.
jannah, fakheerah, arifah, hafizah and fadhilah.
mainly was to celebrate fadhilah's birthday which falls on the 31 and that is today.
eversince our secondary school life ended,
it has been quite difficult for us to meet each other like how we used to.
so given this chance,
we might as well make full use of it.

going out with them was as usual, ROWDY.
with all the aunty-like actions.
especially the TWINS jannah n fakheerah who always made me,hafizah n arifah laughed about them.

BOWLING with them was helluva funny!!
i was key-ing in to the system.
and i asked,
" who wanna go first?"
and all of them was like thinking its the end of the world. -_-
so end up jannah went first, i went second and it continues.

the last time i went bowling was quite some time before Olevels.
and when i started playing yesterday,
i realised that i suck.
i only managed to strike once.
which was so suck.
and quite a number of rounds it rolled to the drain.
BAEK AH LONGKANG.lol.
i need to bowl more so i can be like last time.
i must at least score the 100 mark.
for yesterday,
1st round i scored 89
2nd round i scored 60?
PATHETIC.

while taking turns to bowl,
we had alot of chatting sessions.
i got to know more info about that bitch.
recently,
i got more n more infos about her as the days go by.
and i swear that i like it.
what a fucking bitch.
i didnt know she was so happy in making the effort to break us up.
the 6 women cliques.
haha.
arifah can never be more angry than me when she got to know about this.
especially when one part it involves her.
i was also damn angry la please.
that fucking bitch had been badmouthing me to all my friends.
but im so proud that all my friends weren't stupid unlike her.
i just cant expect how despicable this bitch can be.
just what is her motive of doing so.
what does she get by kept badmouthing me to other people especially to my best friends??

ohh.
i just forgot the reason of she doing so.
she's just jealous of what kind of great friends i have been having around me.
she also want these great friends that i have.
but all she can get is just fake and non-existent friends.
how pathetic can she get.
im so sad for her.

my patience is running low.
the show is starting soon.
my effort of waiting and suffering is indeed worth it.
the time is here.
the time to destroy that fucking bitch.

and i really need to thank this fucking bitch one particular thing.
just one thing that made me really appreciate her.
thanks for all the acting skills u have thought me.
i believe im a much better actress than u after all these.
thanks lots.

god gonna grant me my prayers real soon.
to get the fuck of this bitch out of my life.
and she will be the first one to be hearing me say,
" even if u rot,
suffering,
crying,
dying,
I WONT GIVE A FUCK"

because we're not friends.
and we have NEVER EVEN been friends.

so,
SHUT UP AND SHOO~

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY FADHILAH!!!!!!
fad,
ure my best gossip girl la can.
thanks for the great info that u had about that bitch.
really appreciate it.
hope u had fun yst and hope u have a good birthday plans.
iloveu girl!!
6 years of friendship and still counting on.

just taking this time to say,
to fadhilah,arifah n jannah,
6 years of our friendship and still going strong.
to fakheerah and hafizah,
4 years of friendship and still going strong.
we will always be catching up with each other's lives no matter what.
nobody can break our friendship apart.
especially that fucking bitch.
that bitch really made our friendship hard on rocks.
just take all that happened as a test.
i guessed now u all know the REAL her and i really had fun laughing when all of u criticised her to the max yst.

thanks to all of u.
happy nampak happy nampak??!!
hahahaha.
baek ah makciks.
lol.da kene pelempang berbuih mulot.

' dun worry my BOSS,
that bitch wont be able to bring us down.
she's going down first. =))
thanks for all the concerns.
ure the bestest one in my life la can.
lol

2008-03-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

RENA tagged me to do this.
since its late at night,let me just do it.
i will update about today on tml.
damn tired.

1. Qn: At what age do you wish to marry?
Ans: err. 25/26 perhaps. i still wanna enjoy life

2. Qn: What you want the most now?
Ans: sleep

3. Qn: Have you ever been hurt by somebody close to you?
Ans: DUHHH

4. Qn: Do you think you're gay?
Ans: correction.lesbian? NAAHH.im straight okay

5. Qn: If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Ans: getting back with my juvenile life.lol.

6.Qn: What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Ans: my BOSS.hahaha

7. Qn: Do you believe in eternity love?
Ans: u mean eternal love?wow ur english sucks man. most probably.

8. Qn: If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Ans: im not the kind who make the first move

9. Qn: List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Ans: 1. she's my lover. 2. i loveee her hair. 3. she hear to my RANTS

10. Qn: What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Ans: be more sadistic,dun give people anymore chances,when i say i wanna do something i will really do it

11. Qn: What type of person do you hate the most?
Ans: fuck up ones

12. Qn: Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Ans: definitely

13. Qn: Do you believe in God?
Ans: yaaa DUHHH

14. Qn: What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Ans: family and friends

15. Qn: Do you find it a need for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Ans: i dun find it as a need.

16. Qn: At this point of time, would you rather stay in your comfort zone or try something new?Ans: i would prefer COMFORT ZONE

17. Qn: What kind of friend you hope to be in your friend's eyes?
Ans: understanding n willing to lend a pair of listening ears

18. Qn: The place you want to go the most with your loved ones?
Ans: heaven.can?

19. Qn: What do i dislike about myself?
Ans: be patient on matters that are not worth it

20. Qn: One thing you love the most right now?
Ans: having the greatest bunch of people around me

' i hate bitches who try to create conflict in a strong friendship bond.
will elaborate more on this tml.
i know quite a number of secret viewers love reading my posts.
come back tml k

2008-03-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

earlier in the morning had my area sharing session.
dun wish to comment about it as it does not interest me at all.
was just hoping for the time to pass by.
during the sharing session my hp kept vibrating.lol.
especially when the clock strike 12pm.
haha.
suppose to be area 20 D07 ppl set off to harbourfront.
but was delayed to half n hour later.

when finished me,Julitta,Nicol,Razak n Afiq went to change into civillian clothes and set off.
otw saw Jolene.
she was stunned to the max when she saw us right in front of her.
with of course our spastic face.
throughout our journey,
cant stopped talking abt stuffs and ROFL-ed like theres no tml.
bringing back all those memories are really worthwhile.

went for the SENTOSA EXPRESS.lol.
every station there will be the person there who will b waving to the people inside the monorail.
and that really cracked me up can.
sumore we alighted at the wrong stop.
one stop overshot.
too engrossed by the woman who waved at us.
and there we need to walked from one end to another.

finally saw Rena,Kang Ming,Fabian,Kah Hwee n Aaron towards the end of Siloso beach.
-_-".
all of us went into water.
except for Nicol who claimed he never brought extra clothes.
did alot of dumb stunts when in the water.
especially when there's Razak around.
u can expect a very chaotic moment.

we went off when it started to drizzle.
anyway we had been there for quite some time.
Q-ing up for the shower room was a hell.
lol.
and the guys outside were like,
"DELTA fall-in! u all are late alrd!"
Fabian still can say,
" i give u 10 seconds to come out"
wth.

we then took the monorail back to VIVO.
managed to take a proper photo before Kah Hwee n Aaron went off.
the rest of us headed to the foodcentre to have our meal.
damn most of us were like hungry ghosts.
the guys even had TWO rounds of meals.
that explains how hungry they were.

after eating we then went up VIVO to snap photos.
snap photos and did ALOT of spastic actions.
with Fabian keep kbkb me like wtf.
played with the water.
they did some drills there which really attracted quite a number of ppl.
went bonkers when we saw the NO SWIMMING sign n began to take photos with it.
lol.

went Arcade after that.
by the time it was already about 8 Oclock.
i wondered how many times they played the car racing one.
played until soo noisy and hilarious laaa.
then after that played the 'slam' thingy.lol.
figure out urself la.
it can be the common game within our squad.
its damn hilarious la especially when playing with all these people.
soo many funny reactions.
Fabian so act in the end also win ONE game only.
BIG SHOT ARH?
hahaha.

after had enough of playing,
went back.
made hell lots of noise in the NEL train.
we dun even look like some disciplined people.haha.
and this Fabian still can kbkb me even when i wanna go off.
he called me cb so i called him lj.lol.
n we were like calling each other that.
hahaha.
kbkb me whole day in the end also pulled my hand duwan ask me go off.
he stopped at BOON KENG station.
sounds like in relation with SOMEONE.
haha.

so Rena,Kangming n Fabian continued on the NEL train journey while me,Julitta,Nicol and Razak stopped at Outram Park and continued on our journey until we headed our separate ways.
we really had alot of stuffs to talk about.

k i tired le.
altho i found something which makes me damn happy a few hours ago,
i tired to say anything about it la.
just wanna say a good show is about to happen.
i hope my skin doesnt peels like last time.
it was such a sucky feeling to have a peeling skin.
-_-".

k so let the pics do the talking!!!!

one happy family?

Nicol found his long lost relative

or is it Razak's??

we're in SENTOSA EXPRESS

cannt blame. people frst time.lol

the waving woman n Julitta sister waving back

wad a nice weather it is

he shooting for MTV

i wonder wad this Razak is thinking...

me and my loveeee.lol.drenched

sister loveee

the DELICIOUS beef noodle as recommended by Razak

the guys too hungry le

this is round 1

now they are having round 2

otw back to VIVO

lovelove n kah hwee at the back. baek bodoh.lol

sisters n brother LJ loveee.haha

err

us!

candid

spastic

more spastic-ness

lol!

Rena n Julitta sister

Razak miss drills too much

lack of childhood

this is the famous kbkb FABIAN KOH!!lol

Nicol asked me to take his photo in this pose. -_-"

formation in taking photo

random again

away from home. sadded.lol

the spirit of my ah lian sisters. too bad the gang leader dunhave. Jiahui!lol

this is how much she lovees me.lol

cramped faces

people tired. cannot blame.ROFL

the yellow signboard really striking laaa

Nicol with his trademark pose.lol

Razak has nth to do

another of Nicol trademark pose

trademark pose?lol?!

fighting or gay-ing??lol

i miss those days.lol

starting on the race

focusing as the race begins

F1 Fabian

F2 Nicol

F3 Julitta

F4 Razak

'slam' game.lol. the 4 at that tym was for Rena n Kangming while the 0 is for Fabian n Razak

see the joy in their faces.haha

now u all know wad he want for his bdae

would really miss u all.
it had been a tremendusly great day!!!
see ya'll again soon.
good luck in all of ur future endeavours,DELTA!
=)))

2008-03-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

i duwan blog anything abt today.
because im soo excited about tomorrow.
hahaha.
and i just got 2 important things to blog.
___________________________________________________________________

u are really one fucking bitch.
only know how to say people.
SAY UR OWNSELF LA!!!
now i know how n wad it feels like when someone is being spied on behind their backs.
especially when im aware who are the ones behind all these.
i cant believe how despicable u can be.
u think u gain satisfaction by spying on me???
come on bitch!!
spy more!!!
i wont mind.

wad u will see is how i really do enjoy my life up to the max.
and i know ure pure jealous of it.
and u go n tell that spy of urs,
dont bother wasting time.
i have already indirectly spit on ur spy's fucking face.
i know u will lick it back for ur dear spy.

thanks to my own trustworthy informer.
i really felt like i very popular.
until there's people spying on my whereabouts.
all i can say is,
wtf u want?

___________________________________________________________________

OMG.
u really scare the shits out of me.
i just cant help it but to blog about this.
i really have to blog about this.
wad one of my clique said is right.
u DEFINITELY have something wrong upstairs.
n guess wad,
i found out wad is really wrong about u BY MYSELF.

yes i may be angry.
but i now more of laughing the heck out of myself.
this is some serious funny shit man.

u kept on emphasising others on the truth.
but all these while,
u have seriously been fucking lying to me!!!

BUT LOOK AT URSELF!!!
u did a GRAVE mistake that i dun think u ever realised it.
because like i say,
u have something wrong upstairs.

i admit i may be a liar.
everyone will have lied once.
but i have NEVER see anyone who can lie AS GOOD AS YOU!!!

ure soo sly in lying about all these.
ure really very sly.
too bad i became clever a bit more later.
like NOW.
when i realised about this thing!!!
it is just sooo surprising wad kind of devil u are.
its a pity that i realise all of these devious faking plan of urs.
although it may be late,
but its never too late.

those people who are fooled by u all these while must really thank me.

no wonder i kept wondering.
no wonder i kept being left out of my own questions.
no wonder there's always some lame reason behind it.
no wonder u kept changing topic asap.

BECAUSE U HAVE GUILTY CONSCIENCE!!!
AND NOW I KNOW UR BIGGEST SECRET U FUCKING DUMBFUCK!!!!

current mood for now,
SUPER HAPPY!!!
i dunno y im happy about it.
because i just realised im the smartest person anyone can ever find.
n RENA would agree with me.
she also laughed her ass off when she know about this.

seriously la to YOU,
even if ure so despo to gain popularity,
u dun have to do all these.
u despo for friends??
just tell me.
i can introduce some of my friends to u.
dunnid to do all these.
by creating phoneys.
ure making a fool of urself.
really.
a damn BIG BIG fool.

i really salute to u la.
i'll be awaiting for ur this show to be realistic on TV.
can win OSCARS okayyy!!!!!

i am making a SHOUTOUT!!!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE MOST DUMB,STUPIDEST,BRAINLESS LIAR IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!!!
thanks to u being the first one.

im having the FIRST laugh now.
i wonder who will be having the LAST one.

this must be the most fucking funny thing i have ever witnessed for as long as im living in this world.
thanks la.
i really enjoyed myself.
laughed until i got stitches.

THANKS ALOT LAA!!!!!!

' u faker

2008-03-27T23:46:00.000-07:00

dun feel like blogging anything today.
surprised huh?
ya,
just dun feel like to.

im glad i had done something right few mins ago and so called make things clear.
i just dun wanna bear any guilt anymore.
although i know its VERY hard to let go of this guilt feeling in me.

____________________________________________________________________

im just soo glad that i will be meeting my BOSS tml.
i wanna RANT OUT EVERYTHING at him.
i know he wont mind listening to my rants.
looking forward to tomorrow and also tomorrow tomorrow.=)))

' my BOSS is the MOST cool and cute and handsome guy than ANYONE else ok.
so dont even bother to ask me for comparison.
thank you very much

2008-03-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

this post would be a random one.

people in the house are all pissing me off.
everything is also my fault.
not even my fault also make it look like my fault.
because of one letter n due to some sheer misunderstanding also wan make a big fuss of it.
say so long,
nag so long,
in the end whatever it is also become my fault.
living in this house is really full of ironies.
ironically ironic.
get it?

___________________________________________________________________

and to whoever thinks that this particular part is for him/her,
if u have a fucking problem with me,
come up straight to my face.
if u are fucking jealous of my life,
tell me.
if u find that i have to report to u WHATEVER i do or WHOEVER im with,
confront me.

dun make my life difficult.
because u have already made it WORSE.
worse till the extend that i even thought of ending my own life.
so that u can have it.
and will not feel INTIMIDATED of me ANYMORE

just one simple reason why im so angry right now.
if u have any BURNING doubt about me,
ask me PERSONALLY.
dun fuck around and act cute.
theres not a need for u to ask from other people about my life.
because its MY life.
not THEIRS.
and if u SOOOO wanna know,
ask me.
is it so fucking difficult????
i would be MOSTLY GLAD to answer u.
ur kind of method to be using a middle person is soo OLD FASHION.
oooopps,
i forget one thing.
u dun even have ur own fucking life and thats wad a no-lifer do right?

i know that ure intimidated by me.
if not u wont be doing all these fucking dirty kind of stuffs to bring me down.
im too high class for u.
i know that.
so,
get a life.
and,
fuck off can?
___________________________________________________________________

was soo darned happy when i saw my BOSS in school today.
was hoping not to receive any bad news.
but i received good news instead.
well good news from gab saying that BOSS was okay n would most prob be in USS soon.
i only managed to see him in later part of the evening though.
felt really damn relieved to see him especially when he looked ALMOST okay.
maybe tml he would be dropping by USS again.
dont know.
what matters to me the most is,
he's fine.

' u never make me suffer
i have never felt like im suffering

2008-03-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

it had been a GREAT day today!!!
because i met my LOVER!!!!
i met my dear girlfriend,RENAAAA!!!!!
hahahaha.
omg.
how i $#^*(*^*&@@#^& miss her like oh-so-much!!!

we were like in amk for almost half of the day??!!!
lol.
sitting n rotting n gossipping in mac like nobody business.
toured inside amk hub.
toured outside amk hub.
checking out cheap thrills.
wearing fanciful shades n specs.
smelling all those products that could be smelled.
walking around like lovers.(lol)
not forgetting our non-stop conversation.

really love it to bits laaa talking to my dearest RENA.
we really have all kinds of wonderland stories to talk about la.
from A-Z and it will just keep continue on n on n on.
gossipped about we-know-who(s) were the most fun one la.
n we will really laugh our asses out.
ROFL.
even when we reached interchange,
we just dun seem to go off.
we really find a spot,
even right in front of phone booths where many ppl were walking,
we just stood there n continued talking.
and mind u,
it was like almost one hr?
that goes to show how we really got damn loads of stuffs to talk about la.

whatever it is,
eventhough we've known each other eversince cibtc,
which is like only 3 months??
its like we've known each other for 3 years luhh.
really really love love my rena to bits laaa!!!!

u will be okay my dear.
dun think too much of bitter situations.
just think of me would better.
i always give u sweet situations!!
lol.
k lame.
im not les k.
but still,
i <333>

____________________________________________________________________

i dun wish to talk about the same bitch here for this post.
let me have a break.
see when she start bitching n i will start ranting out again.
n i believe,
it would be on the next post.
well im ranting all these not because i totally hate her.
thats only one reason.
another one would be im collecting evidence against her.
one day i can make a novel.
by compiling all my posts.
and i would name my novel,
" THE LIFE OF A SADIST-suffering under the hands of a fucking bitch"

____________________________________________________________________

im really worried for my BOSS safety.
eversince that incident few days back,
that terrible incident,
it really fatal-ized his life.
up till now.
some people persuaded me that it was a sabotage.
a sabotage made by none other than....
haiz.

if anything were to happen to my BOSS,
i will really blame that person.
i dun care if age or status make the difference.
i will DEFINITELY blame him 500%.

my heart will never be at ease unless you're okay.
it's only under desperate situation whereby u would go seek medical help.
yst was one of the desperate situation.
today was the confirmation of ur condition.
i respect ur decision for me about tml.
and thats y i will choose to follow it.
but please,
i wont be expecting any bad news from anyone regarding ur condition.

i really wish u well and please do take care.
i will always pray for u.
i know u will be reading this.
love ya to bits

2008-03-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

u almost lost ur life right in front of my own eyes!!!!
if i ever found who the culprit was,
i swear im gonna skin that person alive!!!

___________________________________________________________________

almost went insane when i saw Julittaaa and Renaaa yst in hta for the girls cc comp.
spotted Julitta first.
no.
spotted Mei Qiao first.
she was snapping some photos i think.
and i dint realise Kranji sec was nearby when she said, "Julitta is over there"
lol.
i turned and instant spotted Julittaaa and Nicol.
hahas.
Nicol with a pink handbag?
o.0.
should be one of the girls in the cc team's bag.

earlier on,
i thot that Rena wont be coming like what she said but who knows she msged me early morning and claimed that she will be down.
omg.
super ecstatic.
She was in the hall i think and couldnt come down yet.
i kept bugging her to come down as i really wanna see her.
hahas.
in the end she came down!!
well i didnt spotted her at first.
her hair caught my attention before i looked at her again to confirm its really Rena.
lol.
wahahaha.
super happy.
she came down with Elton.
a new friend i've made.
like how Rena also made a new friend of mine.
right Rena?
hahas.
Elton was uber friendly la.
further ahead i got to know another guy called Benson.
haiz.
i really envy u la LOVE.
i ain't the least happy.
yeah u know wad i mean.
*winks eye*

seeing all my friends there yst really cured my unhappiness and no-mood mode that i have earlier on.
when in the very very first place,
eversince i just started the day,
i was very energetic despite my brain in sleeping mode.
not until....
u know,
i know.

___________________________________________________________________

petition?
forum?
blog?
confrontation?
omg.
those people are truly LOVED laaaaaa!!!!
they are the ones who will really listen to my rants and all that and also,
will make me feel better.
better than never before.

yes indeed.
i admit.
eversince this case started,
im no longer myself.
im no longer the one who always spend my time laughing my ass off.
im deprived of my own happiness.
im hurt deeply.
im really hurt..

i wan to live back my past.
i wan to correct all the mistakes i have ever made.
and that includes me befriending a fucking bitch.
how i wish i could turn back time.
especially the times spent with all my squadmates.
regardless U04 or DELTA.
those were the times i cherished the most.
and why must there be the same villain to destroy everything.
im suffering from emotional breakdown.

if anyone is in the process of finding the most stupid person in the whole wide world,
then i think u've found the right candidate.

if only i could slap someone.
if only i could bash up someone.
if only i could kill someone.
i would only target on ONE particular person.
it could be YOU who is reading this part now.

as much as how i dun wanna be emo,
i just cant help it.
sorry to all.
hear me out!
im suffering in silence

___________________________________________________________________

my greatest mistake was to befriend u.
my greatest mistake was to spend my time on u.
my greatest mistake was to sacrifice my social life to u.
my greatest mistake was to let u make use of me.
my greatest mistake was to believe in u and to trust u.

i have never hated anyone as much as how i hate u to the fucking core.
wad a nice hypocrite.
wad a nice badmouth-er.
wad a nice bootlicker.
wad a nice backstabber.
wad a nice controller.
wad a nice fucker.

good arr.
*clap hands*
u have succeeded in making me suffer.
i suffered till i drained off all my tears.
thanks ah.

and DONT u ever questioned me about my BOSS.
u have no right.
ure not in any position in my life to question me.
after all those things that u did behind my back????
after u destroyed my personal life???
u still have the dare to ask me all those qs???
after making all the people around me suffer,
making me suffer,
u wanna make my BOSS suffer too??
eh hello!!!!
ur fucking attitude is really getting over the limit!

i wonder wad is soo interesting abt my life that u must intrude to almost ALL my privacy.
i know that before this,
my life is very joyful.
not fucking dull like urs.
so ure jealous?
awww so sad.
yes u may take whatever joy-ness that i have in my life.
but MARK MY WORDS,
in the near future,
i will ripped off back EVERYTHING from u.
and u will have nothing.

wad a fuck.
wherever i go,
whatever i do,
whoever im with,
it has totally nothing to do with u!
even whatever relationship i have with my BOSS,
it has TOTALLY nothing to do with u!!
even my family never questioned me so much like u do about all these.
not even my friends!
they know its my own personal and privacy life.
BUT U FUCKING DUNNO!!!
when ure not even my friend?!
and ure doing all these??!!
eh wtf la!
who do u think u are???!!!!!
fuck off la please.
i beg u please fuck off!!!!
i would rather sell all my belongings just to see u fucking off from my life!!!!!
i just cant stand u!!!!!!!!
u totally terribly terrifyingly horrendously fuckingly DISGUST me!!!!!!!

___________________________________________________________________

k i need a break.
already accumulated all my anger for this post.
thanks to BOSS who gave me the encouragement to rant out everything.
and also thanks to all my TRUE friends who really supported me and motivated me through.
thanks to all these loved people.
ure truly LOVED!

2008-03-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

Assume I have never existed.
For the lives of whom I’d troubled,
I would apologise.
Im dead okay.
Dead.

As I had once said,
More and more problems are bound to come.
And yet my intuition never prove me wrong.
Just last night.
Yes,
Last night.
I realized the presence of a traitor and a betrayer.
All these while I’ve been wondering why all those DOGS have been hounding me.
Ive been wondering how they know of my whereabouts.
Ive been wondering how they know of my next step.
All these while ive been wondering.
When the answer is just right in front of my damn fucking eyes.
The fucker who had been giving me all the information is indeed the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
But it is still not too late for me to realize.

FISHIE,
Sweetness of revenge yeah?
Wan a reunion of us?
Wanna hound down me and him?
Well,
Read my words carefully.
U taught me this.
FUCKERS ARE PROSECUTED

___________________________________________________________________

Im oblivious to the fact that im getting more stupid and dumb nowadays.
I cant seems to observe the things that has been going on around me.
I cant even see or judge myself well.
I see myself more as a devil.
Far from an angel.
Well ive never been an angel.
Or to be more precise,
Angel of prosecution?
Angel of suffering?
Angel of evil?
Angel of death?
Make ur own choice.

Ive never been spared from troubling other people’s lives.
When they claimed they were not troubled.
But for me NO!
Indeed I caused a lot of trouble in their lives.

Why people chose to hide reality from me.
Why people chose to leave me out with a lot of burning questions.
Why people dun wish to enlighten me.
Why people duwan to tell me if they have been suffering under me.
I still don’t and cant understand the reason that lies beneath all these.

It only left me feeling guilty.

People are getting emo nowadays.
I am not emo.
These are just the voice of my heart.
I state whatever I feel.
And now I have this fucking terrible feeling in me that just refuse to go off.

How I wish all these would end.
How I wish that person will never come back.
Oh how I wish.

People are suffering.
Yes,
People are suffering.
People are suffering.
People are suffering.
IM SUFFERING THE MOST U FUCKING HELL!!!

I need a break from all these confusion.
Life sucks.
No,
Reality sucks.

___________________________________________________________________

Dear BOSS,
If I pass on first before u,
Move on with life.
Im so sorry to have troubled ur life.
Take care
Love u very much

‘ a sickening display
a scar for every line
the beauty and the pain
of total agony

these lacerations
the stench of slow decay
it desecrates
making beautiful profane

a tragedy
the suffering of loss
that seperates a fragile soul from its remains

LAY DOWN AND YOU'LL SUFFER
would you die for your affliction?
HELD DOWN,
now you suffer!
would you kill for what destroys you

they pick at the remains
the dead in perfect lines
the beauty in the pain of total agony

2008-03-17T22:52:00.000-07:00

HELLO EVERYONE!!
It has been a VERY VERY long time since I have updated any decent post.
And now im back!

Well well.
Recently was my unit’s NCO camp.
From 12 to 14 March.
I will not be commenting anything about the camp.
Too lazy n tired to state down everything that has been happening during the camp.

Let me just update on the moment after I booked out early morning.

14 March

Around 8am while the cadets were doing vocal training,
I booked out.
Not on purposely okay.
Just that I have to go to SP’s enrolment.
Went back home n prepared myself.
Set off at 10am as my enrolment appointment was at 1045am.

Took MRT to Dover.
Walked thru the signboard that has been put up.
N I tell u it was quite a long walk to the gate proceeding to block T1A.
Wth.
Quite a lot of people there la.
Mostly not the students that are occupying the space but PARENTS!.
Most of them so kiasu go bring parents.
I went there alone okay.
Most of the spaces are occupied by parents.
Then there were 6 stations of enrolment.
Quite organized la actually as they used the Q number system.
Oh.
Out of 6 stations,
3 of them need to take Q numbers.
-_-“.
During this enrolment process,
While I busy digging out stuffs in my wallet,
This very unappreciative wallet of mine decided to tear open at that point of time.
Was damn frustrated as I really need to hold on to my wallet to prevent the stuffs inside from dropping out.

The enrolment only last for about an hour and I proceeded back home to have lunch at UT mac with Jannah and some of the Sec 3s after they had booked out from camp.
Then mum and dad came to fetch me home as I was in a rush.

Went to meet BOSS and we took taxi to CostaSand chalet at Downtown east.
Thot of just taking MRT and bus but due to time constraint,
BOSS insist on taking the taxi.
The chalet was booked by gab’s mom.
Not one room but two!
Wat a blast.
N it was only within us the close cliques.
Me n boss were the last to reach.
When we reached there,
All of them were alrd there.
The people were gab’s parents,gab himself,mc(gab’s gf),lw,ken and haonan.

There were 2 bbq pits for us and at 7,
Friends of gab’s parents came.
We the monkeys made use of one of the bbq pit while the other went to gab’s parents.

Well I didn’t realize that BOSS was a GOOD cook until the chicken that he bbq-ed became CHAOTAH!!
It was damn hilarious and most of us ROFL-ed like never before.
And the bbq-ed marshmallow tasted like %$#%@$^%^%@$.
Oh!
The seasoned steak made by gab’s mom that we bbq-ed was a damn blast!!
I think it was THE MOST HOT AND SPICY food I have ever eaten.

While most of them were playing cards,
Me,mc n lw started to bbq the steak first.
When it was ready,
We started to have a taste first.
But LUCKILY we took only abit of it.
Have a TASTE remember?
LoL.
When the 3 of us were chewing,
We commented that it was quite spicy but not that spicy.
But after we had swallowed it,
Our lips and tongue started to burn in spicyness.
Our throat cn even feel the heat.
It was uberly hot n spicy!!!!
The 3 of us ran to the refrigerator and even argued for the cold drink.
But still no matter how much we drank,
The heat was just there.
And we were perspiring like hell.

Then came one evil idea of ours.
Muahahahahaha!!
We took 4 MEDIUM piece of bbq-ed steak into the room where gab,haonan,ken n BOSS were playing cards.
We asked them to stop wadever they were doing and eat the steak that we bbq-ed.
Giving the reason that it was one of the tastiest thing they cn ever find in the world.
They followed wad we said.
Each of them took one of the bbq-ed steak and they chewed it together.
This crucial scene was damn silent including the smiling of me,mc n lw.
A moment later,
The guys were screaming n running around!!!
HOT ! HOT ! HOT!
Especially BOSS who is quite sensitive to spicy food.
Omg.
Damn hilarious la.
The 4 of them barged towards the refrigerator and FOUGHT for the cold drink.
4 of full 1.5 litre mineral water were finished totally by them at that point of time.
The scene was seriously damn hilarious.
BOSS still took ice and rub them on his lips.
Hahahahahaha.
Well pitied him though when he did that but it was a moment of enjoyment anyway.

Gab’s dad was a joy!
He bought vcd/dvd player and a karaoke set!!!
Wahahahahahaha.
Damn shiok.
We were k-boxing like shit.
Although by 11.30 we shuldnt make excessive noise,
We don’t give a damn.
Other people were also making noise anyway.
We really sang our hearts out.

Finally stop at 12am and proceed to watch the LAST EPISODE of HELLS KITCHEN!!!
Gab’s parents occupy one room while we occupy the other.
So cute as there’s a door in the middle connecting both rooms but we close the door la as we dunwan to disturb gab’s parents with the noise that we will make in the middle of the night.
HEATHER won in hells kitchen!!!
We were so glad that Heather won instead of Virginia.
Virginia was too cocky though.
While in the process of the competition,
We cant stop criticizing Virginia of her cockyness.
But still,
Heather won!!!

When hell’s kitchen ended at 1.30 am,
We decided to play some games and at the same time,
Have gossip sessions about people whom we know.
LoL
Made damn lot of noise as there were about 7 us in the room excluding gab’s parents in the other room.
We played blackjack like baskets.
Hahaha.
Playing blackjack with these people can burst my laughing nerves.
No.
Not only blackjack.
But other games too.
Like bluff and more.
Even UNO!
BOSS was soooo tricky in his ideas when we were playing bluff.
When we thought he bluffed,
He’s not.
But when we dun even know he was bluffing,
He bluffed.
I only caught him once.
He call out 4 Jacks but one of the Jack was with me so he bluffed!
Yeah!

After playing card games,
Used the vcd/dvd player brought by gab’s parents to watch TRUE SINGAPORE GHOST STORIES VOL.2.the time if im not wrong it shows around 2.30am.
Most of them those scaredy cat type such as _______
But still watch.
Haha.
Still everyone fighting for pillows n blankets to cover our face.
Furthermore all the lights were switched off and aircon was super cold at night.
To add to that,
The volume of the tv was loud.
So all those eerie sounds could be heard CLEARLY.
It was so hilarious to see people especially guys n guys hugging each other and screaming as they were scared.
Especially lw n haonan.
Wad a men.
BOSS was practically wrapping himself in one whole blanket and sitting right close to me.
Again,
Wad a man.
Haha.
But cannot blame la.
The temperature of the room that night was seriously very cold.

Everyone were damn tired after the ghost show.
Gab and mc were the first batch to sleep.
LoL.
Ken n haonan were the next batch.
Their sleeping style damn cute la.
Cocoon mode.
Hahahaha.

So left with me,BOSS and lw.
We continued with our talking cum sharing cum gossip cum complain cum kbkb session.
Lw still can have the mood to have a cup noodle.
-_-“
LoL.
But this time we need to tone down our volume not like usual where we would just rant out everything.
Haha.
As we were tired of talking,
3 of us went to sleep around 5am.

15 March

Rise and shine.
Was soo lazy to wake up.
But still woke up though as check out time was at 10am.
Pack up everything and set off.
Chilled out for awhile at downtown east.
Although my early morning mood spoiled by some unpleasant stuffs,
I managed to cheer up with all the peeps there especially BOSS who kept coming with crappy ideas.
Haha.
And not forgetting mc being the only same gender companion to me during that time.
And at the same time we can bitched about people together.

We set off quite early as I need to get my laptop.
Went straight to SP.
Go through all the ma fan procedures and finally got my Acer.
Wow!
All black.
And SHINY
-_-.
Super shiok.
At least is better from BOSS’s grey VAIO laptop which can make me sian after few moments of using.
LoL.

Well well well.
How nice of BOSS to buy for me my mouse.
Hahaha.
Really appreciate it.
Thanks lots.
And yes,
Its very nice.
=)))

16 March

Nothing much for me to comment about this date.
Just that the feeling of my happiness just cant be described.
Im damn #%^$^&^%&^%&^%& fucking happy like dunno wad.
For those who’re close to me and knows me very well,
U will know wad I mean.
Right BOSS?
Haha.

But still this happiness will end quite soon.

17 March

Went to BOSS’s house at around 11am.
Asked him install some things to my laptop.
He’s a com genius la I can say.
Oh n well,
Meanwhile,
He store some dumb photos of his and also photos with him plus lw gab n all that.
Still can change my desktop photo to his photo.
Wth.
But nvm.
Quite nice anyway.
The effect I mean.

Other than that,
He also put in some noob cum lame cum childish games inside.
LoL.
Still can start a so called lame games campaign with Ricky at later part of the day when we online.
I dun believe such people who play such games still exist.
Furthermore the people are the ones whom are close to me.
Right BOSS and Ricky??
Hahaha.
Wad a dull childhood they have.
LoL.

K back on track.
After meet BOSS,
Went back to CCK interchange at around 4pm to meet Ricky for our normal ‘hanging out’ session.
LoL.
He was so AWED by my playing of all the noob games.
Hahaha..
Fun?
Sort of la.
Can kill boredom.

Reached home at 8pm and online-d till now.
Updating this long post.
Plus having crappy chat as usual with people like BOSS n Ricky.
LoL.

Will TRY to update more frequent.

Now I miss all my DELTA Mates.
Cant wait to see them when the time comes.
I miss people like Julittaaa,Renaaa,Jiahuiii,Fabiaaan,YenLiiin.
With loads of lovee and missesss.
And I agree with RENA,
People nowadays are getting emo.
Well,
Rena,
I’ve told u my reason though. *winks*
STOP WORKING UR ASS OUT LUHHHH!!!!
Hahaha.

JULITTAAA,
Chill out babe!!!!!
Cheer up!!!
I will tell u more jokes n stories when we meet k.
Miss u damn much sister!

To FABIAN,
Im chilling out.-_-
But sort of failed in doing so??
Maybe.
LoL.

And to NICOL,
BOSS is NOT SOON KENG!
I repeat.
The BOSS whom I kept referring to is NOT SOON KENG.
LoL.

‘ how I hope to receive news about something crash or being hijacked

2008-03-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Im just waiting for the right time.
The right time to see u having a taste of ur own medicine.
All these are really getting on my nerves.
All these are really getting too much.
Eversince November 23 2007,
U can see that I have lost whatever respect and trust that I had on u.
It was a mistake for me to befriend u.
Or have I ever treat u as my friend?
As far as I myself know,
I didn’t.
U were a stranger to me.
Until now,
At this point of time,
Ure still a stranger to me.
U have never regard me even as ur friend.
Thanks to someone else who enlightened me about that.
I finally know whatever u had done behind my back.
Really thank you for that.

Why do I need other people to make me realize that im being controlled by u?
I was just plain dumb and stupid to follow u all along.
Ure not one of my family member.
Ure not my relative.
Ure not someone of higher position than me.
URE NOT EVEN MY FRIEND.
But just why?!!!
After all the fucking dirty stuffs u had done on me,
U still have the fucking courage to control my life!!!!!

Why do I have to follow wadever u said?
Why do I have to follow all ur evil stances?
Why do I have to do all that?

Why do u expect me to appreciate u when u dun even fucking appreciate me?!
Who thought of whatever ideas for u to complete ur job?
Who sacrifice most of the time for u?
Who came down all the way and waste fucking transport fares for u?
Who sacrifice own family just for u?
It is ME u fucking bitch!

U chained me.
U controlled me.
Not only me.
Even the people around me.
Those loved people around me.
U give hell to their lives.
U think u have all the power to do anything.
U think ure god who can ruin other people’s lives.
U think ure that great.
No wonder u dun have any true friends who appreciated u.
No wonder people can come out with a lot of bad stuff to go against u.
Truth to be told,
I support all of whom who go against u.
Because they realize that ure a fucking devil much more earlier than me.
Like I said,
Im just too stupid to realize anything bad about u before this.

U have no idea how many days and how many nights I cried all because of u.
U have no idea how many times my tears have dried up.
U have no idea how many times I troubled others especially my BOSS to tell them about what fucking shit u gave me.

It is already bad u did this to my life.
It is already bad u messed up my life.
It is already bad u made me suffer.
All of these I experienced it on my own.

But I really cant accept it when I got to know u messed up others live too.
And u even dare to make me look like the scapegoat.
Because of u,
I made people suffer.
Im the one u target on.
But u hit on other people.
U intrude in their lives.
Just to want to get to know information about me,
U disturb others lives.
And all these people are suffering because of me!
And ure the devil who masterminded all these.
Ure happy right making me look like a devil.
Same like urself.
A fucking devil.

Ure no one who can end my relationship with all my lovely friends and people.

I really cant bear to see other people suffer because of me.
I really cant bear to see other people fear of something they shuldnt fear of because of me.
I really cant bear to see people suffer when they befriend me.
I really cant bear to see people suffer when they’re with me.
I really cant bear to see people suffer when they’re close to me.
If really to the extent,
I wont mind ending any friendship relationship that I had with these suffering people.
No matter how close our friendship-ness were.
Because I duwan more sufferings to occur behind my back.

God had finally lighten up my path.
I found my own path to follow.
I found those of whom I should look up to.
I really apologise to those of whom I had done them wrong for as long as im involved with this fucking devil.
I finally realized myself at this point of time.
Although it may seem a little too late,
But something really had to be done.
Something that will make everything alright.
Something that will end my suffering.
Something that will end everyone’s suffering.

U can contradict urself.
But u can never make me contradict myself.
I’ve indeed learnt a lot from u.
Yes.
A lot.
And all of what I had learnt from u can sent me straight to hell.
Thanks for that.
I have never been scared of u.
U thot people are scared of u.
Sorry.
Ure wrong.
Ure just plain irritating that no one can stand it and just duwan to get involve with u.
U dunno my past.
U dun even fucking know what kind of person I was in my past.
Trust me.
U havent see the real me yet.
Yes.
THE REAL ME.

U think all those people who side by u are ur friends?
U think all those people who always call up on u are ur friends?
NO.
I can guarantee u.
NO.
In ur very crucial moment that u can ever experience,
All of these people wont even fucking bother about u.
I curse and swear u that u will be ALONE in the point of time ure suffering.
ALONE!

Me!
This stupid person over here shud be the one who help u at times of need.
But trust me,
When really the right time is happening,
When really the most crucial moment ure experiencing,
And u come to me for help,
All I can say is,
FUCK YOU.

I really had had enough of u.
Ive seen enough of u.
Ive suffered much under u.
U should be honoured.
U made the greatest impact in my life.
After everything has ended,
I duwan to have anyting to do with u.
I want to delete u off COMPLETELY from my life.
My BIGGEST mistake was to regard u as a friend in the first place.

It will sound perfect if I backstab u.
Because in the first place,
U fucking backstabbed me FIRST!

I really got a lot to say about u.
Thanks to my tiredness,
I shall stop here.
Will continue when the mood comes.

‘ When I initially thot that im the only one who has this thinking about u,
I just recently realized that the whole world is now by my side.

2008-03-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

I seriously dunno what is happening to me.
I find myself not in the real world.
I find myself not in the futuristic reality.
No matter how much as how I do not want to offend the people around me,
No matter how much as how I dunwan to disappoint the people around me,
No matter how much as how I want to please the heart of the people around me,
All I get are misunderstandings and misconceptions of situations.
No appreciations.
No expressing of gratitude.
No response of normality.
All I get was what I wasn’t expecting to get.
So far,
Whatever I had said or done was not for my ownself.
But for the heart of the people who are involved.
Yes I know I’d lied under some situations.
But does anyone ever asked why I did that??
Because I dunwan to offend the affected party!!
Easy as that!!
It’s not because I lied to save my ownself.
That was never my intention.
It’s because I really treasured all the commitments that I have made resulting me in doing all these.
Nobody understands me.
Other than BOSS who always listen to my rants,
NOBODY.
Because I believe no one would ever understand.
There are so many hearts for me to take care of.
There are so many hearts for me to please.
There are so many people I dunwan to offend.
This is just driving me crazy.
I really hate myself for being like this.
I cant even overcome my own weaknesses.
Everything and everyone just make me feel guilty of myself.
I have never escape from this guilt feeling.
Even though I wasn’t the one who cause the problem.
But I feel the guilt.
I just felt that other people are controlling me.
Other people are chaining me indirectly.
I seriously need my own life.
I want to be free!
I know my own limits.
I want to do whatever I want with the accordance of my own limits.
I know what im doing.
Yes,
I appreciate and will accept people correcting my mistakes and all.
But I just hate it when people teach me what to do.
And worse of all,
The reason just doesn’t make sense.
Im just a normal human being.
A homosapien same as everyone.
Im not a robosapien.

It just pissed me off completely when anybody who do things that will offend me,
Just do it like nobody business.
While I said nothing although it really disappoints me or hurt me emotionally or whatever u call it.
I even don’t think about it anymore.
On the other hand,
When I did the SAME thing or less hardcore than that,
The consequences that I get is like IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD.

WHERE IN THE FUCKING HELL IS JUSTICE???!!!!

I even have this thought of breaking down in front of everyone and tell them whatever I feel.
Seriously this feeling is a big burden to me.
I just dunno who to please.
I just dunno who to satisfy.
I just dunno who to show care and concern to.
When all these while,
I never even thought about myself.
I need a break.
I really need a break from all these.
People are suffocating and drowning me up to my nose.

I love everyone.
I love my family.
I love all my friends.
I love them all.

I just need people to understand me.
Please.
All these stuffs are just killing me.
It’s not an easy time for me trying to please everyone.
When I choose to please one party,
The other would be offended and vice versa.
Im just myself.
I work things out myself.
Please do give me some space to breathe.
If u are unhappy or want to clarify anything,
Just tell me without any hesitation.
I will of course explain the whole situation.
Everything I do,
I did it for a reason.

Nobody knows what I feel for every action that I was doing.
Nobody knows what was my real intention of doing things.
Nobody knows.
And when nobody knows,
All they can do is to assume.
And when they assume,
They will misunderstand.
And when there’s misunderstanding,
All the unpleasant things that u dunwan to happen,
It happens.

All these lie within one vicious factor.
THE FACT THAT I WAS TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE INSTEAD OF MYSELF.

I dun need any sympathy.
I dun even sympathize for myself.
I just want to be understood.
I just want all these to end.
But I don’t know when….

2008-02-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

HEY ALL.
i know this one of the longest duration since i last blogged.
until there is someone there on my tagboard who ask me update,
then i realise i havent update my blog for quite a long time.
right FABIAN!
yes.
the lame shiat FABIAN!
like how he referred me as in his blog.
like being requested,
im putting his name in my post BIG BIG.
FABIAN!
i guess the others like RENA will bombard me too.
hahaha.
he miss D07 CIBTC.
talking about it,
i miss it too!!!
only the 9 days rc though.
not the 4 days atc.=)))
i miss talking plus kbkb with FABIAN KOH la...
RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
>.<

RENA we really must meet up soon.
yes,
before school start.
we really must meet up.
with the others too.
people like JULITTAAAAA,JIAHUI and the most unforgettable FABIAN!
(fabian, i know u will get high reading this)
haiz.
really miss those days.
really miss all of them.

why must most of u go TP?!
rena,jiahui,fabian,kah hwee,aaron.
all go TP.
wahhhhhhhhhh.
RENA,
TP RULES.
dun make me jealous la u.

___________________________________________________________________

last saturday was the guys campcraft competition preliminary rounds.
well,
whats done cannot be undone.
and whats over no point brooding over it.
u guys have tried ur best and already perform what u all can.
just take the whole thing as a learning journey and experience gained.
=)

while in HTA,
was mainly spotting D07 people.
other than that,
my effort of searching for SoonKeng failed.
but fret not.
i saw EngKhye and Jolene!
and Jolene actually smiled at me!
how sweet.
lol.
let me recall who i spotted that day.
BingXiang,Elizabeth,Eric,Razak,KangMing,Suhaini,Skandan,ZhuangYi,Huiping,Philo,Letts,JunBao,Terence,XiuLi..
i know there's more but i just couldnt recall any further.
the way Razak laugh on that day regarding something keeps playing in my mind.
it was REALLY ROFL la!!!!
mee toh.
wth.

___________________________________________________________________________________

brother fail math for CA1.
not my fault become my fault.

sister dunno how to draw.
not my fault also become my fault.

reach home late.
kena nag.
(u know wat time alrd?why reach home so late?)

reach home early.
kena nag.
(u usually reach home so late.why today suddenly so early?)

want to eat.
kena nag.
(u know i today never cook and u want to eat)

duwan to eat.
kena nag.
(u know i already cook for u,u duwan eat)

i really do wonder why.
i wonder which planet all my family members came from.
resulting in the presence of me,
this INHUMANE person.

___________________________________________________________________________________

im really worried sick for u.
ur com is ur mom.
and ur com is ur life.
ur com is gone now.
and so did ur mom.
but u shouldnt make urself gone in this world.
yes u may not try anything funny.
but by torturing urself unhealthily,
is that not considered something funny ure trying to do?
i duwan a 2yrs back incident repeat itself again.
i duwan to check on u for the whole week when u spent all ur time in bed.
likewhat u say,
u have no one in this world.
u have no family.
even friends,
they only come n go and not as dedicated as well as committed.
but u forget one thing.
u really forget one thing.
im still alive.
u have me.
im always by ur side eversince 4 years ago.
u can always count on me.
and also now,
u have ur brother with u.
u always told me u regard this brother like a real blood brother u have on ur own.
even ur brother is very thoughtful of u.
he dotes and look up to u.
but this is not how u should be showing him how a big brother should be like.
ure not useless.
neither are u hopeless.
ure just lost in ur own world.
ure too affected by ur own emotions.
i may say to u that u trouble me.
u irritate me.
but truth to be told,
im not the least troubled by u.
im not irritated by u.
ur brother also would think the same thing.
if we're not the people whom u trust,
theres no one else whom u can turn to.
only if u do all these stuffs to urself,
then i would say ure troubling us by making us worry.
u have no idea how affected i am with this problem that u have right now.
because like u urself know,
i cn never escape from being affected by anything involving u.
u know u mean a lot to me eversince the past 4 years.
whoever ure angry with,
whoever u target on,
i would know the reason why u felt like that and i would be supporting.
i know i may not do much to support ur stand as i have my own principles and restrictions.
but believe me,
i will really do what i think is right for all of us.
and that would include,
like u say,
even to the extent of risking my own life.
i would.

' if by turning back to our past personalities and our past activities would help,
we can really do it for each other's sake

___________________________________________________________________________________

i really should go and sort things out.
i really should make it clear.
yes i will do it.
i really will go and confess.

2008-02-19T20:37:00.000-08:00

im back.
didnt post any post yst as i was lazy after being back from campcraft training.
anyway,
im glad im being posted back to my alma mater.
unity sec.
and yst i was back from cc training back in my unit.
cc training.
hah!
wouldnt wanna comment anything.
went back home and checked detailing for both guys and girls.
girls still not so bad.
guys.
i can get the shock of my life.
-_-".
just wait and see and leave it all to god and fate.

TODAY

first thing early in the morning.
woken up by the first hp vibration.
cursed the person who sent me msg fcuking early when i was still slping.
i ignored the msg n went back to sleep.
more hp vibrations carried on but i just ignored them.
finally officially woke up with the sound of my alarm.
only to found out i have 12 new messages in my hp.
read the first few topmost of the msges from all sorts of people.
"where u go arr"
"what u got?"
mostly is these 2 qs.
the first thing i thought was,
where did i went yst or today until many ppl asked me?
and what have i done sia?
until i finally realised that today was the date for release of posting results.
i scrolled down to the very first message being sent.
( the one which i said i wanna cursed the sender)
it was the message revealing my posting result.
and guess what,
i got to my 1ST choice!
digital media in Singapore Polytechnic.
i was damn happy until i dunno what to say.

i find that JAE posting results were more nerve wrecking.
after knowing that quite a number of my friends and cliques did not get where they want to be posted to,
i dun see any reason for me to celebrate.
as to my opinion,
today's release of posting results were more pathetic than 240108 release of Olevel results.
more people wanna appeal.
more people were cursing.
another reason for me not to celebrate,
so far the only person whom i know is going to SP with me is,
HO YUEWEN.
too comfort zone already.
he still can tell me we will definitely meet each other.
lol.

' ya as u know,
im waiting for u to VOLUNTARILY tell me ur results

2008-02-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

let's just skip this week after tuesday's post aiite.
although there's been alot of things happening within these few days,
im just plain lazy and tired to update anything.
im also not feeling very well right now and i need to get my strength back.
i can just afford to change my blog song though.
watch out for my next post.
here is just some random lyrics which i found that is suitable for myself,
and of course,
sung by my favourite all time LOVE.
not FETISH,
not CRAVE,
but LOVE.
so yeah.

The mark I breathe on you, it's burning through your soul
The breath I waste, losing control
I bleed in pain, testing what I know
Lips soaked in deceit, pull me from here

No one's innocent, so why do I feel bad?
But guilt keeps creeping, creeping up on me

Guilt, tearing me up inside
The innocent, an evil in disguise
The face of beauty to fall for
I fall to my knees, deceitful

Brought down by feelings of regret
Again your mind has failed the test
Not everyone feels the same
Pacifist blinded by the game

Stand tall - they'll break your heart
Stand tall - they'll smash your ego
Stand tall - they'll tear you down
Stand tall - scar your soul

Break your thought, fuck your mind
The mark I breathe on you, it's burning through your soul
The breath I waste, losing control
I bleed in pain, testing what I know
Lips soaked in deceit, pull me from this hole

' living in the life of AVENGED SEVENFOLD

2008-02-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

11 February 2008 Monday

nothing to blog about.
just had lunch with kb at lot one kfc,
met jannah there also.
we then headed down to school for campcraft training.
that's about it.
dunwan to comment much.

12 February 2008 Tuesday and that is TODAY

initially rotted at home.
again woke up 10 plus.
received alot of msges in hp.
if not for RaInEy who asked me out,
i would have been bored to death.

ok actually he had asked me out for today on the day before but i was plain lazy.
haiz.
in the end also i went out.
just went out and chill like the olden days.
with lw and gab.
brothers of RaInEy.
what a shocker that gab could make it as usually he will give all sorts of excuses if we asked him out when the main reason was just to meet gf.
well unfortunate for him his gf still got school.
thats why he was able to make it.

well well well.
this time we totally chilled out at STARBUCKS in BP.
no more those kind of no lifer or waste money cum waste energy kind of place.
finally i could ordered my all time favourite and oh-miss-it-so-much MOCHA frappuccino.
this time not TALL but GRANDE.
yeah.
so shiok.
catch up with each others life.
all the fun and happiness.
other than that,
also reminisced of the sad past and situations that we each had.
especially RaInEy's.
haiz.
sadded.

after that,
walked around BP like nobody's business.
got sian-ed and proceed back home.
million thanks to RaInEy who sent me home although his house was nearer to BP.
he chose to go back to cck and went back BP.
but with a taxi la.
lol.
but well,
really appreciated it with much love.
oh ya,
he chose to remind me that he has a date with his LITTLE BROTHER in msn and he thought he was late for it.
ya because by the time i reach home,
it was already 5.15.
and by the time he reached home,
5.40?
and his DATE was when?
i chose not to know.
-_-".

i went online,
as usual go online chat with Ricky,RaInEy and many more.
and yeah got duty allowance form from kb and she help me fill in the thing.
thanks loads.
because i myself lazy to note down.
lol.

halfway through online-ing,
out of a sudden i saw on my hp screen,
with gab's incoming call.
i thought as usual he would be calling for some craps but no.
when i picked up,
it was actually a conference.
and i was shocked to found out that RaInEy and qh was in too.
got to know of the story that shocked all our hearts out.
dun wish to elaborate anything.
just know that lw really needs our help and support.
and again,
i just felt that it was due cause of me.
same people same venue.
same reason?
i dunno.
i still wonder why lw stopped by lot one in the first place.
in the middle of our conference,
RaInEy disappear out of a sudden.
i believe he's out in doing something to settle this.
im just confused.
i dunno what should i do.
everything is not going as well as it should be with more upcoming problems.
and each problem is seriously getting worse.

please dun let anything happen to my loved ones.
' SWITCH ON YOUR DAMN FREAKING PHONE!
i dunwan anymore dislocated bones

2008-02-10T23:37:00.000-08:00

2nd post for the day.
first time in my blogging life im inserting a second post as im feeling really F-ed up.
i dunno when will all these end.
the more i entertain,
the WORSE it gets.
fcuking psychotic ass up on my nerves again.
and this time,
fcuker is up on my nerves BIG TIME.
and i mean it,
BIG TIME.

if not for me wanting to help another good pal of mine,

if not for me wanting to dig out infos from this fcuker,

if not for me being way too lenient,

if not for me insisting that things would not be as bad as it is,

NOW I GET MY OWN TASTE OF MEDICINE.

i swear right now i feel like slamming this fcuker left right up down and center.

u make me sick.
get it?
u make me really sick.
i dun believe those things came out from u.
seriously i dont.
because due to the simple fact that i have never once encountered ur kind of fcuking person.
i never do expect that people like u existed.
but thanks to u,
u have PROVEN it to me that a fcuker like u DOES exist!
thank u very much!

im so tired of being riled up because of u.
im so tired of thinking too much because of u.
im so tired of pretending because of u.
im so tired of hearing and seeing people suffer because of u.
SERIOUSLY IM TIRED!!!
GIVE ME A BREAK!!
FOR GOD SAKE!!
GIVE ME A BREAK!!

i know im foolish enough to make myself feeling very affected just because of u fcuking nitwit nincompoop.

' if something were to happen to him,
i swear eventhough ure not directly involve,
u will have the honour of being the first person i will put the blame on!

MARK MY WORDS

___________________________________________________________________________________

basically i have nothing better to do other than rot at home during this CNY.
rot watch tv and ONLINE.
oh,
plus surfing for neverending nonsense on the com.
to be frank,
i have no direction in life if i have nothing to do.
okay,
the best part during these few days was yesterday.

initially went to send my siblings for religious class.
bla bla bla went to meet rahman at causeway at 11.15am.
he went for interview at POLAR.
wth.
he should try for MOS BURGER instead.
lol.
went library to return my books and also to borrow books.
surprisingly im addicted to the comics section.
-_-".
well in the end i only borrowed 2 books and both are NOT comics.
something to do with my dear country.
stupid rahman kept rushing me for time and i felt like spanking him halfway.
so bloody irritating.
we went to grab a bite and headed home.

reached home about 1.30pm.
mom and dad also just reached home.
i asked mom if she's going anywhere after picking up my bro n sis from religious class at 2.30pm later.
well she and dad planned to go to JB.
usually,
i will be jumping for joy.
but i dunno why this time round i just felt lazy.
even mom everytime nagged at me.
"ohh if going out to meet friends can instant disappear.if go out with family lazy la wad la"
basket.
last time everytime when i want follow mom and dad go wherever they heading to,
i will always kena nag.
this time round i dunwan go,
also kena nag.
wtf they want.

i was really lazy to go out when out of a sudden i thought of something.
i told mom i will only go if she allow me to bring another person along.
even before i told her who i wanna bring,
she can clearly guess who was it.
of course if not for my dearest RaInEy!
hahaha.
my deeply close-knitted relative aka family member of all.
called him up to find out if he was available.
yes he was!
and he was darn shocked when i told him that in fact my parents asked him along too.
lol.
because it's very RARE!

went TEBRAU CITY.
so called the biggest JUSCO?
lol.
well it's my favourite place aka shopping mall if i drop by JB at any point of time.
mom want to go there of course to what?
to shop!
typical women.
ROFL.
and dad went there to what?
to makan!
got loads of variety of nice restaurants there for dad to enjoy himself in.
and my siblings went there to what?
play arcade and dunno what la.
kids will always be kids.
and me and RaInEy go there to what?
WATCH MOVIE!!!
dun think we got nothing better to do okay.
with the price of one movie ticket in Singapore,
u can watch 2 movies in JB!
what a good deal.
guess what movie we watch.
SWEENEY TODD!!!!!
it's an M18 movie.
although both of us are just 16 going on 17,
we really do have our own 'matured' way of going in.
muahahahahah.
well well well.
sweeney todd is m18 not because got THOSE kind of DIRTY stuffs that most of u all out there may think.
it's just due to the gore element inside.
the movie was superb.

it was actually some kind of musical.
Johnny Depp has a nice voice!
really.
the picture and storyline of the movie were also excellent.
just only one weakness.
the gore element in it was not as hardcore as expected.
basically alot of slitting of throats right in front of your eyes and the grinding plus burning of corpse.
lol.
it's not as gore as some of those kind of gore element movie i've watched like SAW which only has a rating of of NC16.
i guess government shud reconsider putting M18 for movie such as SWEENEY TODD because it will be their own loss.
although i adore gore movies,
where theres alot of blood involve,
when in the cinema,
like many other people around,
my heart as well as RaInEy's kept stopping halfway.
oh and at some point of time,
we even shouted.
but well,
great movie.

after the movie,
went jalan-jalan and bought some stuffs.
and as usual,
mom really had a good time chatting with RaInEy,
leaving me to listen to dad's 'lecture' on how to find a good restaurant.
wtf.

went to eat seafood after that.
headed to our favourite seafood restaurant near the sea.
dad really ordered alot of things until it filled up the whole table.
oh ya some dishes also had no space and we need to cramped up everything on the table.
well i didnt tried each and every dishes unlike RaInEy who claimed this is a rare and once in a lifetime opportunity.
-_-".
i savoured upon my favourite stingray and dumbass RaInEy even fought with me for his share on the stingray.
wth.

after eating all of us headed down to DANGA BAY!
as it was only about 6pm,
still early we again went jalan jalan at the night market there.
damn alot of imitation goods but nahh.
i never even bought anything except for DVDs.
original or pirated,
figure it out urself.
ssshhhhh~
mom and dad plus siblings dunno watch what LIVE band.
siansation.
i suddenly thought of a brilliant idea.
with permission granted from parents,
i dragged RaInEy with me to karaoke!
haha.
yes,
karaoke!
it's also as good as jamming right.
one song 1RM.
kept LOL-ing there.
we bought 30RM means 30 songs.
muahahaha!
we really karaoke-d like theres no tomorrow.
most of it were rock songs.
dammit.
darn nice.
the sound from the speaker,
the bass,
the microphone.
cant be compared to our USS sucky PA system.
30 songs mind u.
took turns to sing.
most of the time i sang la.
we really had a great time.
from around 6 plus we started,
we ended around 9 plus.
both of us felt exhausted at the end of it.
but we really do have a great time.

went to drink coffee,
had a lil chat and all of us decided to head back home.
dad wanted to go through the shorter route but heavy traffic jam.
people going back to SG before CNY end.
damn lot of cars la.
then dad went for the long route.
second link.
also heavy traffic jam but not as bad as the previous one.
when we just reached the causeway,
it was already 10.30pm.
and we stil have a long way to go before reaching the immigration counter.
so long~
if not for RaInEy,
i would have been bored to death.
me and RaInEy were practically singing,talking,laughing,cursing and gossipping about people to whom it may concern.
and ya,
we even reminisced the past plus TALKED about RaInEy's LITTLE BROTHER.
*inserts big big smile*

finally got out from all the immigration and checkpoints at about 12 am.
-_-".
roughly about 1 n half hr we have been stranded in the traffic jam.
sent RaInEy off to his house and me and my family went back home.
so tiring and exhausting but one thing most important to me,
i really did enjoyed myself.
i guess RaInEy did as well.
we really became closer after this day.

okay.
no more enjoyment and happiness.
now back to depression mood.
-_-"

2008-02-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

some psychos are seriously making my life difficult.
i've never felt this kind of affected feeling before.
until all these psychos came.
even about TWL who has been chasing me since i dunno when,
im not the least affected by it.
but these psychos...
make me just wanna kill myself one day.
due to these psychos,
im living in fear.
not only me but other people too.
due to these psychos,
im living in suspicions.
suspicions as to which part of the story is true and which is not.
due to these psychos,
im living in confusion.
confusion as to who am i suppose to report to of my daily activities and relationship.
the main factor that affects me the most is,
due to these psychos,
all my loved ones are being dragged down.
especially my dearest BOSS.

____________________________________________________________________

who are u to downgrade him?
what right have u to downgrade him?
just who the fcuking hell are u to downgrade him?
u made a mess in the first place.
this is is a total mess!
he did whatever he did out of not wanting me to get hurt.
just who in the hell gave u the right to shoot him back?
just who in the hell gave u the right to dare him back?
and just who in the hell gave u the right to make him depress?
by labelling him as a D _ _ _ A _ _ _ _ _!
do u think ure a saint urself?
do u think ure so good?
why dont u take a mirror and reflect on urself.
u should consider urself lucky i never do anything to you.
not because i pity u or whatsoever.
i've never not an inched pity u.
i just never do anything because im RESTRICTED.
get it.
im RESTRICTED.
if im not RESTRICTED,
u would be going home crying to ur mom who might not even recognize u as her child.
i gave u chances to retreat.
i just hope that u will get far away from me.
but i felt that as the days go by,
ure really getting on my nerves.
not only u disturb me.
but u also downgrade a person most dearest to me RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES!
u totally have no right to be doing that!

now because of u,
u made matters worse.
right now he is not the person whom he should be like.
when another matter eventually made him depressed,
u were the initial cause who made him depress in the first place!!
it is all your fault!
it is all your fcuking fault!
god please pity me for not being able to do anything.
i felt so helpless.
i felt so stupid to be crying over this matter.
i felt so pathetic to not be able to do anything to help him.
just because of ONE fcuking psychotic ass,
all these were to happen.
somebody kill me please.
im already dead anyway.

____________________________________________________________________

dun be too depressed over the matter.
i know that psycho has been affecting u drastically.
but like i say,
just treat as if nothing has happened.
u have got other important things to think off.
like the most recent.
sorry if im curious but because i was too curious i got the news from someone else.
ur 'dad' already has a son.
yes i know although we ourselves know of the fact that ur dad alrd dont regard u as his son eversince the death of ur mom and eversince he found a new mistress,
he still plays a part in bringing u to this world.
u saw what a happy family ur 'dad' has with his mistress and son whom u dont even know had been born into this world until u saw it with ur own eyes.
u saw how close they were.
when i got to know about this news from that someone,
my heart broke totally.
that already describe my feelings.
then what about yours.
totally cnt be describe.
i understand ur situation.
the topic about ur 'dad' can already make u feel affected.
whatsmore this news of a HAPPY FAMILY ur 'dad' has.
of course u felt worse.

u should have told me what happened.
u seemed to be avoiding me.
no.
u seemed to be avoiding from reality.
this is indeed reality.
and i know reality do hurts.
but u just cant run away from it.
if u told me what happened,
i could share with u the aftermath of ur suffering.
but why do i need to find out from other people instead of u?
i guess u will give me the same reason that is not wanting me to get hurt.
but by u not telling me what had happened,
will that make me feel better?
ure totally wrong my dear.
until now,
at this point of time where im typing,
u still refuse to tell me what exactly happened.
i dun blame u.
ure totally not at fault.
ure just a victim of situation.
i will try whatever i can to make u the person whom u should be.
no point carrying on being like this.
u know there are more people who care for u.
u know that i care for u.
u know i do.