do you think i really mean it when i say i dont care and dont give a damn about you???
NO.
do you think i really meant it when i say i wont cry upon your death???
NO.
what makes you think i really meant what i said to you??yes,i admit that the earlier msges i received from u,i didnt think u were dead serious.because u had the idea of dying eversince a long time ago.but,the last msg that u sent to me was a TOTAL STRUCK.it was not you.i immediately went to call you.you told me not to worry about you.you told me to pray for you.you told me not to cry upon your death.you told me that you appreciated and loved me for being your close friend who treated you like a human.you thank me for understanding you as a person.you told me that you are going home.a home that will last you for eternal.whatever i said in that conversation are just useless.you are still going with your stand.what a STUBBORN person you are.
instead,i told u to end your life.i told you that i wont care about you anymore because you're not worth it.i told you i dont give a damn about you.i told you that i wont cry over you.i told you to go to hell.
do you realise that i was just putting up a brave front??because i understand what a big pride and ego you have there.when u told me all that,i really felt like crying out loud.but situation at that point of time dont allow me to do so.i hold back my tears.i force myself to sound like im okay.i was hoping that you really dont meant what u said.but when i got to know where ure at n what u were doing,do you know that i blame myself for it??i failed as a friend.i failed as a good friend.i failed as a best friend.i failed as a close friend.i failed as the friend that u love.because...i nearly lose u forever just in the blink of an eye.n im not ready to receive that kind of news.i really thank your godsiblings for saving my grieve.
TODAY,
i went to see u.i sacrifice my time but i know it's worth it.u really surprised me big time.ure not the usual person whom i use to know.ure a total stranger to me.i feel sad to c u in this state.i tried talking to u.in fact,i talked until i cannot talk anymore.but u just answered when u feel like to.that one also about one or two words.this is not you.we brought you to c ur mom.i hold on to ur hand tightly.fearing that u will run away.u seem helpless.this is not u.i feel sad for u to be slapped and scolded until u shed tears.i know i did nothing but it was for ur own good.u really need to wake up asap.u refused to do anything.u refused to eat,drink or do anything.none.please.dont torture urself like this anymore.it is not worth it.u should continue to live on and accept life as it is.i believe that goodwill will always come in hand.i find myself very hard to leave you just now.u really need attention.seriously.ure capable of doing anything drastic at the state you're in.but all i can do is just pray for ur safety.
ure not doing any better.ur actions are not worth it.ure just making everyone disappointed about u.ure not lonely.ure just making urself feel lonely.ure being too paranoid.nobody wants to discriminate you.nobody wants to get rid of you.ure not useless.we can got through this ordeal with u.u just need to give us ur trust.pls return back to ur usual self.ure not setting a good example.i really badly miss the old u.we can have good times together.but in fact,right now,we should study together.i can help u.i can give u all the time that u need to help u.i also appreciate all the kindness and things that u did for me.the days when u defended me.i really appreciate that.i cant afford to lose you.u made a big impact in my life.i love u for always being there with me do u know that??although u can be a pain sometimes.but,i rather see u being a pain to me than seeing u in this state.i just cant help it but to cry.
; DEATH AWAITS
3:34 AM
3:34 AM
