im evil for good..

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

could not update blog the previous days as i was not feeling well.

saturday
went out gave something to my friend.
although promised BOSS i wont go out.
but i still went.
because it was really important.
well,
only within an hour but what harm can be done right?
so just went for it.
little did i know that my worse nightmare had arrived.
refused to comment much about it.
feeling dead.

sunday
met up with someone at ut.
although my body system disallow me to.
i forced myself to act normal.
we went to kb house to settle some matters.
earlier before,
saw qh at ut.
shit.
he asked me what happened to me.
i just told him generally.
guessed he reported it to BOSS.
few hours later,
my eardrums were yanked by BOSS who called me and asked where i was at.
asked him to just wait at ut.
part of my mind told me to run away from him.
but to prevent things from worsening,
i just go ahead to meet where he was waiting for me.
was nagged and shouted at.
i never replied like how i would use to.
i just gave him my stoned face.
for a moment people thought that BOSS was my father.
-_-".
he knows he's limping,
still went to wait for me for what.
he even took a few minutes to just go up on a bus.
-_-".

monday
morning chat with ricky on the phone.
went online.
had conference with BOSS also.
but my bad,
i had to go off at an early timing.
my body system acted up again.
went to vomit and then slept.
at night,
went online again.
was just chatting with ricky and refused to chat with BOSS.
everything was okay until,
BOSS done it again.
i straightaway went to talk to him.
he was totally totally different.
i know that his previous case was acting up on him again.
tried my best to disrupt his mind but to no avail.
called up qh,lw and gab.
nobody actually picked up the phone!!
panicked!
few moments later,
lw called back and asked why did i called him.
i told him everything.
he was stunned too for a moment.
because both of us actually was witnessing this case on BOSS previously.
we did not know what to do.
lw decided to call BOSS house.
what a good idea that was.
only to find out that BOSS was not at home!!!!
and it was near 10 oclock at night!!
where in the hell could he be??!!!
and how in the hell could he chat with me then??
only solution,
he went out and brought his laptop with him.
to think of it,
i already cried.
we have come to a dead end.
we dont even know where he is.
he didnt even picked up his phone.
and worse,
he suddenly signed out from msn.
how worried can i not get??
i was already feeling lethargic and could collapse anytime.
and this thing must happen.
at about 10.30,
lw called and told me that BOSS could not go that far.
so he picked me up in a taxi and we went to search for him.
we were cracking our braincells to think where can he go to.
been to various places but BOSS was not there.
finally,
a thought came up to my mind.
BOSS once told me when we were doing CIP together once.
at one place where i wouldnt want to reveal it here,
is the place where he went out with his mom for the last time.
and thats the only solution i can think off.
my brain's dead.
so we tried our luck.
BOSS was indeed there.
wouldnt want to reveal more in details what had happened.
board up the taxi and i went home.
lw brought BOSS to his house.
by the time,it was already near 1.30 am.
headed straight to bed.
was praying hard that nothing happens to BOSS.

today
woke up quite late than other days.
called lw to find out how's BOSS doing.
glad to find out that he's fine and as per normal.
BOSS claimed that he didnt know what he was doing and what he was thinking. all he know was that he was typing for the whole time.
but he was oblivious to what the hell he was typing.
and that was why it scared the shit out of me yst when in msn.
didnt want to enquire more.
the thought of it just made me shivers.
i fear that history would repeat back itself once again.
was just glad that BOSS was okay.
thank god.
dad asked if i wanted to follow him and bro go simlim to buy psp.
i may have the chance to own one too.
but NAHHH~
not interested.
at about 2 plus,
went out with lw to send BOSS home.
and yes,
BOSS was so different than how he was like in msn yst.
i just wanted him to stay like how he used to.
that would be fine.
at home,
was asked to help my bro with his newly bought psp.
cant even have my own peace.
im still feeling sick.
trying to be strong~~~~~

to the cold blooded creatures and heartless animals.
u had gave me my medicine.
a slap was enough.
why did all of u have to hound me again??
that was all in the past.
cant u all just be matured enough to think?
dont go around showing powers.
it wont do anybody any good.
as long as all of u still wont retaliate,
i wont retaliate too.
drips of blood and the burden of pain is nothing to me.
if i ever die in all of ur hands,
i would still die in honour.
because i have faith that all of u would be charged with murder.
and would be put behind bars for life or even hanged.
and if that time really comes,
u all really do deserved it.
bless all of ur fucking souls.

this is specially dedicated to my BFF.
I understand that there are some problems.
And I am not too blind to know.
All the pain you kept inside you.
Even though you might not show.
If I can't apologize for being wrong.
Then it’s just a shame on me.
I’ll be the reason for your pain.
And you can put the blame on me.

im sorry for being a pain.
im sorry for being stubborn.
im sorry for making u worry.
im sorry for not noticing ur effort.
im sorry for avoiding u.
im sorry for chiding u.
im sorry for not understanding u.
im sorry for doubting u.
im sorry for suspecting u.
im sorry for not believing u.
im sorry for troubling u.
im sorry for not appreciating u.
im sorry,
my BFF.

i will always be here when u need me.
u take care of urself.
thats the most important thing.

; DEATH AWAITS
7:08 PM

Saturday, November 24, 2007

today nothing much.
although it is a saturday,
there's nothing much.
woke up at 9.15 with the sound of my alarm.
happen to saw ricky msg which was at 9.09.
luckily i was awake.
he ask me online for awhile.
siao.
i just woke up how to online.haha.
10 plus then.
asked me some qs.
then thought BOSS will be online but not yet.
then ricky went offline i went off also.
need to settle some stuffs.
supposed to be meeting kb but it was postponed to tml.
so for the whole day,
i will be sticking around at home.
BOSS dun worry.
this is the fact.

oh yes.
yesterday i nearly spent my whole day in a conference.
lao da and lao ban.
wth.
married online.
-_-".
got a son one year younger.
-_-".
happy family.
-_-".
asked for a divorce(to end all those crap).
-_-".
claimed to be having another man.
-_-".
yes,
DIVORCED AND HE'S DITCHED.
-_-".
back to normal.
SICKOS.
alot of crappy things being conferenced about.
most of it is shooting me.
BOSS!
UR FAULT LA!!
u leak out almost everything about me for what?!
talent showcase indeed.
how can i face the society like this??
-_-".

ricky,
dont get too influenced.

MEN TALK.
indeed!
well BOSS.
u do sound serious at a point of time.
i know is a matter of life facts.
sad to say,
u still need to move on.

yes.
u are one naggy troublesome irritating noisy person.
u make me suffocate and no peace.
ure out on my tail almost 24/7.
u never fail to keep track of me.
u really make me feel like spanking u one time.
is not only me who has no peace.
my handphone has no peace.
well at times other ppl handphones too unless ure desperate.
my msn also has no peace.
ure just everywhere around me.
every hour every minute every second every milliseconds.
my life is like revolves around you.
really sick and tired of this.
but well,
after 4 years though,
im used to it.
u are indeed still my BOSS.
my LAO DA.
and also my BFF.
with love,
bestest of friends forever!!!
this is our fcuking camaraderie so far.
love u very much.

as a friend.
peace.

; DEATH AWAITS
1:48 PM

Friday, November 23, 2007

well.
sorry for not updating on tuesday and wednesday.
i was seriously rushing for something very important.
this was all due to last minute notice.
and due to that,
things need to be done ASAP.
cant comment much about that.

all i can blog about is yesterday.
my journey of a lifetime.
early morning,
went meet kb to settle some stuffs and had our breakfast.
after that went my mother's work place.
wait there like fcuk just to get a pathetic something.
proceed to yew tee to photocopy something.
that stupid aunty said afternoon then can.
where got time la u fuck!
then went home.
print some stuffs.
i then realised one damn thing.
fcuk.
need go back mother's workplace again.
RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
no time!!!!!!!
before that went limbang first to photocopy.
after go my mother's workplace,
proceed to my FINAL DESTINATION.

what a luck.
persevere.
this is just the start.
this is just part and parcel of everything.
im used to these kind of things.
so,
just get more used to it.
but everybody there i find them quite stylish.
although i abhor some of the procedures.
k let's not talk much about this also.
too tired and got alot of things to talk about.
and yes RAHIMI,
u have LOUD shoes.

after that which ended about 5 plus,
i call up BOSS because earlier on he called me when i was having something on.
was about to yell vulgarities at him when i heard him moan in pain.
rushed to where he's at and brought him home straight.
in a taxi!
if not i can get pai seh for life.
went home already very tired.
body ache here and there.

switch on com to conference.
and BOSS,
is good u cant even walk now.
take it as a lesson learnt.
but u getting more crappy la k.
and as for ricky,
dun try to be funny.
u purposely work with BOSS to go against me right.
but nevermind.
one day i bang both ur heads together.
and for the both of u,
dun keep saying sorry.
because doesnt make a difference.
u all still will do it again.
-_-"

; DEATH AWAITS
2:53 PM

Monday, November 19, 2007

today was nothing much.
wake up early in the morning.
need follow my mom for my sis primary one orientation.
yes.
primary one orientation.
age gap of 10 years.
-_-".
well,
went unity pri.
i alrd dont give a damn abt that sch anymore altho it has changes so much.
went up the hall with mum for the briefing.
TEOH TIONG SAN who replaced by dearest germaine kong gave his talk.
it was soo fcuking long ok.
even mum was crapping with me for the whole time.
like DUH.
it was all common sense.
while talking to mum,
i happened to saw MR ERIC GOH!!
my most admired and handsome and cute teacher.
chatted with him after so long.
altho we recently just chatted in msn.
but seeing each other straight was very rare.
yes,
5E 2002 STILL ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!

mum gave me sis booklist for me to go buy her books.
if not will be damn long la the Q.
thats my mum for u to know.
kiasu-ism n typical singaporean.lol.
well well well.
surprisingly,
saw GARY NG n TAN CHEE YANG at the bookshop.
almost forget what cy told me the other day tt he now working in ups.lol.
they look.....different?
yeah,as it was prom yesterday.
both of them look like golden monkey with the totally not-so-golden hair but very outstanding??ROFL.
was quite happy to see them though.
went home at around 11am plus.

around 1 plus,
mom woke me up from my heavenly NAP as we all need to head down to a relative's house.
i wonder why she asked me along when what i had been doing there was just STONING around.
DANG~
had my lunch there and watched a lil tv.

around 4 plus,
got a call from BOSS.
said want meet me but i rejected.
first,
my relative house is in HENDERSON.
so,
how in the hell will i waste my time and with my limping leg to go down to BUKIT PANJANG?? -_-"
second,
his motive or objective to meet me was just..errr...
to meet me.
so,
again,
-_-"
third,
how can i guarantee my life is 100% safe if i went out by myself.
err,
shud i say 70%?
because 30% of it had alrd GONE.
fourth,
referring to the third wan,
dont tell me ure gonna send me home in ur present state.
u limp,
i also limp.
think very stylish?
no.
once anything happen,
u and i,
byebye.

with that,
after much consideration of all four statements,
i declare myself,
not going to meet boss.lol.
we got all the time in the world to meet.
so,
why rush?
but i think we better not meet now for the time being.
let situation calm down first???
as if i understand wad am i talking.
because i dont even know wads the next step or action to be done by SOME NO-FCUKING-LIFE PEOPLE.
therefore,
situation wont calm down as soon as it looks like.

i expected the weather to be sunny till evening,who knows it rains in the afternoon.LMAO.
the sentence was adapted from a malay peribahasa,
"kusangkekan panas sampai ke petang,rupanya hujan di tengah hari"
was trying to act smart by translating it and the result was quite spastic.
as the sentence explains,
it means u expected something to last for a period of time,
but in the middle through it,
something bad obstructed.
well,
that represents me n BOSS current situation.
so,
we'd better not take the risk.

went home and instant on com.
online and chatted with some spastic people.
updated this post also.
tml BOSS wan go jamming with his cliques.
he asked me along.
it's been a long time since i went after Os.
and again,
i need to re-consider.
maybe i will reject the offer due to again,
the four statements.
nonono.
two statements.
minus the first and second wan.
or maybe i got other plans tml.
n ya my BOSS,
at the current state ure in,
i feel more unsafe being with u.
lol.
*no offence*

ricky will be back tml.
YAY!
-_-".
i almost forgotten about him.
hahaha.
while im typing this post now,
maybe he's out in the forest.ROFL!!
was quite boring today when i went online bcause used to chat with him but he dunhave.
no worries.
sudden presence of spastic people came n chatted with me though.
plus BOSS too.
wth.

i probably not updating tml as mum had give an early statement.
she want use the com tml.
"tml u dun use the com ar.i need to use it to do research for my talk on the next day.a talk about HIV.very stress u know.i seldom give talk to people"
c,
she need to say until long sentences when all i required was just,
"i need to use the com tml for my work"
lol.
this is what u get when ur mum is always busy 24/7 and only be free on weeknights.

i wonder why i find myself getting more long winded and abit weird nowadays.
dont u think so?
maybe the gone of my 30% of my ife contribute to my present situation.
it has been a long time since i fall and hit the ground hard INVOLUNTARILY.

oh ya,
i forget to update what BOSS wore yesterday.
was too blowned away.
lol.
like real.
he wore a very nice black suit or whatever u call it a TUXEDO?
with his ever daring tie plus ubber nice shiny shoes.
his hair was no more glaring red.
he dyed it black but got shade of maroon on it.
all i can say is,
splendid.
he looks real smart and very nice.
=))

to my dear BOSS,
dont keep blaming urself.
this has been going on for days.
dont worry.
i've never blamed you.
im safe now cant u see?
although i wont know wads coming for me in the near future.
the fcuking camaraderie that we've had will continue on forever i promise.
eventhough there is really something that happen,
u will always be my most loved BFF!!
I LOVE U VERY MUCH!!!
heard that?

; DEATH AWAITS
8:55 PM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

today is my grandfather the brother the daughter's wedding.
lol.
chim ryte.
i just felt so lethargic.
it was so hot and so stuffy and so jammed and so wtf.
i just hate it when people come to my mom and say,
"oh,this is ur daughter ar.wah sec 4 already.grow so fast."
then they will come and kiss my face like knn.
i just feel irritated man!!!
but i just cant help it but to force a fake smile.
people grow older right.
not younger.
then u expect me to be what,
nursery is it if not sec 4.
dumbasses.

go there so early.
then go back so late.
i can die there anytime.
it was so fucking sian.
after that,
ask father drive me to jurong.
BOSS wan me meet him as he want give me sumthing.
then reach le.
he gave me flowers as a form of apology.-_-"
then i proceed back home while he proceed for prom.
he wore a very smart outfit.
was actually awed for awhile.
bur nahhh.
he still limped abit.
guessed he endure the pain and try to walk as normal as possible.
felt sorry for him though.

reached home.
the feeling was soo heavenly!!!
straightaway on com,
update my blog and now chatting with ricky.

yes my dear RICKY.
i will miss u when ure gone tml.
i will pick u up k when ure back.
dont keep asking.
yes i will miss u very very much.
sobsob.
tsktsk.
T_T.

-_-".

; DEATH AWAITS
7:12 PM

Saturday, November 17, 2007

i have not much to comment about yesterday's training.
just that it ends at 4pm which i can say is a miracle?lol.

really alot of things i got to know yesterday.
my aunt and that fucking uncle is officially going to be divorced.
my aunt really did the right thing.
this kind of men deserved to be ditched and rot in hell.

im just so disappointed.
why BOSS never tell me the truth.
for the fact that it concerns health and sumore internal injury.
why he need others to tell me and me myself find out the truth plus further insisting and questioning then he tell me everything???
what does he take me for?
dun want me to worry.
bullshit.
then when he did those things will that make a difference?

i've never blamed u about what happened yesterday night.
in fact ur instinct was right.
if u never send lw there,
i may be dead by now.
i shud be grateful to u.
i never blame u.
so please dun ever blame urself or make things look like it is all ur fault.
in fact i shud say is my fault because due to this revenge,
u get involve.
yesterday night conversation.
i've never heard u cried so bad.
u keep apologising.
why in the hell u apologise when it is never ur fault??
i have never blame u my BFF.
things happen for a reason.
what's done cant be undone.
my injury dont reflect ur mistake.
seriously.

by saying those things,
u just made me more sad.
dun say u dun deserve to be my friend.
dun say im very unlucky to have known u.
dun say u made me suffer.
dun say u dun deserve to be a human.
dun say i wasted my time for u.
and please,
dun say that if u had known this would happen,
u would kill urself initially.

dont let this matter affect u.
I HAVE NEVER BLAMED YOU!

i've had this enough.
i dunwan to get other people involve.
let me just settle this on my own.
yes in fact im scared.
get it?
im really really very scared.
my life is at risk.
i cant hide this feeling any longer.
but i just cant afford to get other people involve and get into trouble because of me.
this is my own problem.
my own matter.
my own past mistakes.
and this is the consequences.
i cant let the people around me to be hurt.
just let me survive by myself.
let me deal with this on my own.
i know it cant be settle peacefully.
but it's better for only one person to suffer than more.
for the fact that the targetted one is me,
so let them come to me.
im willing to accept.
i dunwan others to interfere.
let me face this on my own.
if people around me feel guilty about yesterday's situation,
then fine.
let me just go for it on my own.
so,
the guilt and blame n sufferings will all go to me.
i cant let others feel bad and get themselves involve in things that does not even involve them.
it will just make me feel guilty.
and if anything happens to them,
i will not redeem the guilt and regret in myself.

and that is why,
just dun care about me.
care about urself is better.
im willing to accept my own consequences.
i wont let u all get hurt anymore.

even if im dead or what,
at least i die carrying my own guilt and responsibility and no regrets.
i die for myself.
all of u still need to move on with life.
so,
just leave me alone.
i cant let u all suffer anymore.fullstop.

; DEATH AWAITS
6:17 PM

Thursday, November 15, 2007

today training very slack.
fancy.
LOL.
half way component,
half way play with the doodle board,
halfway do fancy.
so overall is equals to SLACK.
hahaha.
actually there is more things i wan blog about.lol.

most important thing for today.
KB PIKA!!!
hahahah..
if never blog this ar,
tml instant kena spank.
just now make me throw face.
kb know i deprived of childhood when i myself dun even know.lol.
because why,
i just played a guessing game and it is super lame.-_-"
sumore cn make me throw face because im there.lol
pika pika today wear dark blue shirt plus jeans.
on tuesday he wore red shirt and shorts.
sumore this pokemon damn best la.
go gym sumore.lol.
kb damn good lor.
can c her pika everytime.
i also cannot see mine tt frequent. o.0
im not the least interested with pika.
dunno why kb will go bonkers when seeing him.
k,
let's just say,
pika really got sumthing in him that makes him look attractive.
seriously.
the aura.
the charm.
the essence.
omg.
im not falling for him ok.
im just stating the point of view of a girl.lol
pathetic.
kb dun high arr.
later i need pull u down.
ROFL.

i got no mood to blog la today.
damn tired.
sumore got sumthing that spoil my mood.
dun wish to say about it.
just keep it as a secret between myself and some people.
sooner or later,
maybe i wont be here anymore.
so,
why not make full use of my time..??
=)

; DEATH AWAITS
9:16 PM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

woke up at 10am today.
the feeling is soooo SONG!!!(taught by boss) -_-"
really.
the chance of waking up at a time like this is VERY RARE.
woke up go bathe and did the most important thing in my life.
READ NEWSPAPER.
yes,
it's the most important thing in my life.
for nearly a week i nv read newspaper as i was very busy.
and i felt very weird plus a sense of great loss.
sometimes i also felt very stupid as my general knowledge is failing.
thats why,
reading newspaper for me is a MUST.
k random.

after that eat breakfast and watched tv.
really bored when i have nothing to do.
furthermore,
my life in secondary school is OVER!!!
very bored okay.
watched tv until 12pm then go sleep again.
my body system feel really lag and very tired.
because i always lack of sleep.
today is like so called revenge.
slept till about 2pm.
wow!
accomplishment.lol.
received 2 msges when i woke up.
one from an unknown number whom i eventually realised it was CHEEYANG who tried to play guessing game with me.-_-"
and another one is from that crooked eyed faggot who still try to make me involve with damn activities happening in the fcuking class.
damn.
im out.

went online and blog hopped.
ricky happened to online chat with me too.
and we went for video venturing.
and i swear it was holy crap.
but definitely entertaining for crappy ppl like us.lol.
discovered alot of things.
so the very cute.
serious.

after that about 4 plus after ricky went offline to go slp,
i received a call from kb.
good timing.lol.
yadayadayadayada~~
we chat like nobody's business.
same old thing.
childish crappy people with their own childish fcuking mind.

***GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR TODAY****
managed to complete a 436 pages of a novel within 24 hours!!!
memories of midnight by sidney sheldon.
so far,
dunno how many tonnes of sidney sheldon's novels i've read.
they are so sensational.
no is not about romance or wadever fcuk.
but more of mysteries and conspiracies.
and in every part of it,
there would be a twist and unexpected situation.
like his latest novel "are u afraid of the dark",
memories of midnight which i just had finish reading was FANTASTIC!!
both constantin demiris and napoleon chotas died in their own sins.
atanas stavrich was really a faggot who is soo evil n sly.
the author,
sidney sheldon really arranged the story line until soo interesting and unexpected to be read.
wow and omg!!!
SIDNEY SHELDON DONT DIE YET!I WAN MORE OF UR NOVELS!!PRETTY PUHLEEEASSSEEE.

mum came to me just now.
her expression was so different.
she sat and said,
"we need to talk"
for the moment i thot it was because i had done sumthing wrong.
but no....~~~

the most innocent uncle that i think i've got in the world actually is involved in huge debts.
real huge.
one.
two,
he is in this state right now because he's involve in making bets on horse races.
OMG.
this was really unexpected.
the most religious one i had known all this while,
the one whom i thot cant stop praying 24/7 actually GAMBLES AND INVOLVE IN HUGE DEBTS!!!
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
and he's now making life fucking difficult for everyone.
im not saying to my family.
if he make life difficult for my family,
i swear im gonna kill him.
but he is making life difficult to the ppl around him.
he pawned off his wife's jewellery.
ALMOST everything.
and it involves not a small amount of money.
real huge.
i mean it.
and more surprisingly,
he has been doing this dirty stuff since dunno how many years.
and for the fact that he made his wife and son suffered silently really raged me off.
he really have the cheek to do this kind of thing.
such a good and pious wife that he had plus a merely 7 year old son.
he still dare to do this kind of thing.
i just feel like killing him right now.
all the utmost respect that i had on him all this while had shattered instantly.
he really disappoints me.
he's really in no position to be called MY UNCLE.
i dun have such uncle.
and now,
he's making everyone's life difficult by trying to help him clear off his debt.
wad a big fuck he is.
i just cant believe it.
i just dunno how i cn face this fucking uncle of mine.
all the treasures that my grandmother plus his mother in-law supposingly gave to his wife,
he had it all pawned off.
and now,
his wife is left with nothing.
wad dha fuck???!!!
i use to criticize ppl who do this kind of thing to their family when i watched this kind of situation in tv.
but little did i expect the same thing to happen and is done by the most unexpected relative in the big family.
i just cant accept it.
i really cant.
wad a throw face.
im still dazed right now.
is this for real??
OH MY REALLY DAMN FCUKING GOD!!!!!

and dear aunt,
if i were u,
i would have long time ditched that fucking husband of urs.
no point sticking with him when he's making ur life difficult.
and u've suffered for years.
it's time to move on with ur son altho i know u love ur husband too much.
but is he worth ur love?

each and everyone of my relative is giving problem.

i've got a cousin who is now only 17 and wishes to get engaged to a girl who is of my age and the girl is so fcuking not suitable for him.

i've got an aunt who went berserked after her husband two timed her and she went to work as a bar hostess and even landed in prison once.

i've got a cousin also who keep making life difficult for the parents by cheating them off their money and also always kena possessed by whatever fuckin hantu.

i've lost a very entertaining uncle who was divorced by his fcuking wife who is my own fcuking aunt,the bar hostess, after he was caught two timing and also jailed for one yr for smuggling contraband ciggarettes.

and now,
i've lost a very respectful uncle who made the biggest fcuking mistake in his life by gambling and having huge debts and make everyone suffer.

all this happened after the death of my beloved grandfather.
before that,
everything was PERFECTLY FINE.

GOD PLEASE HELP ME.
i cant pretend to ignore wadever that has been happening.
can i cry out loud like,NOW????!!!!!!!!!!

; DEATH AWAITS
10:49 PM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

meet kb at 7.45 at UT.
then go RP accompany her do her test.
had breakfast there.
9.30 went off to causeway.
wan go shop also no mood.
halfway there umbrella OC alrd called kb n ask her for blood type thingy.
then ask until v fierce.
kb was like shouting in the middle of cosway point. -_-"
this umbrella OC also dunno wad he doing.
got job like no job.
then scam government money.hmmmm.

go back sch early.
kena stalked by some people.
dont wish to elaborate.
just made my mood worse.
hide inside NP room like wtf.

training started with component training for a while.
then mass.
then component training again.
to be frank,
some people really deserve a spank on the ass.
just made me pissed off with their performance.
altho there are still improvements in some people,
why are there still some others who dont even bother to improve but in fact spoilt the whole thing.
spoiler.
i understand if people cant take it.
but just think la.
if u fall out or whatever,u dunnid almost one hr to rest right.
sumore is not really considered very tough.
hentak kaki a few SECONDS only cn still say VERY tough.
wad if i let everyone hentak kaki for nearly half an hr like wad i've gone thru.
dont tell me EVERYONE instant faint.
i cn do that if i want.
i cn be the most mean and unreasonable person.
but i chose not to because even if i do so a millionth time,
there would still be not much of a difference.
so why bother?

case by case happened.
problems by problems came up.
everything lined up nicely within just one day.
which is today.
sumore that DUMBANG woah sian.
my mood already bad.
seeing people nt performing already made it even bad.
but seeing his face and his actions made my mood worse.
he took drill cane from me.
nevermind.
he never give back.
nevermind.
he stand in front ask the squad fall in.
nevermind.
he took over command and took charge of squad.
OF COURSE I MIND!
i didnt even said anything.
furthermore,
i tried my best to be as attitude-ed as possible to make the cadets wake up.
but he there still got the cheek to entertain the cadets with his fcuking lame jokes!
and surprisingly his lame jokes made the cadets LAUGH!
when in the first place,
i already ask them to b serious n CUT THEIR SMILE.
and this DUMBANG there happily with his trying-to-gain-popularity kind of face crack up some damn fcuking lame jokes to the cadets DURING DRILLS!!
throw face.
really damn pissed.
i instant kept quiet and stood aside.
and very unexpectedly,
he got no guilty conscience at all.
until when KB came then i took over.
when KB asked him,
he still said took turns give command wad.
then wad was the initial small meeting in NP room for?
for fuck?
he's trying to make me look like im gaining power and im the ruthless wan there.
so he is so called the hero who came to the rescue and slack with them during drills.
and sumore act cute.
is not i dunwan to give break okay.
i tried my best to give break as frequent as possible.
but if the performance tt people are giving me really scuks,
i dont think anyone deserve the break.
i spent my time planning when shud i start giving breaks and all.
then wad does the mini mini 3 minutes break i gave meant?
not break meh?
so how long everyone want?
3 hours?
FINE.
i just feel like dunwan to care anymore.
i just feel like saying if u all want break,
go as and when u want.
i dun mind.
if u think ure tired,
go have ur break.
i dun mind.
if u think u all cnt take it or dehydrated,
go have ur break.
i dont mind.
and FYI,
i managed not to drink water throughout training.
this was wad i'd vouched for myself earlier.
someaning i do that for nothing.
i'm the one who deserve a break.
i very much want a break.
it's me who suppose to ask for a break.
FINE.
ALRIGHT.
im the most mean,unreasonable,evil,torturous person in the world.
i gave 3 mins break.
that DUMBANG gave 5 mins break.
FINE.
he's the saviour.
im the bad one okay?!
i sometimes feel i came for nothing.
wad for i come when people dont appreciate it,
people step over my head,
people who can make me throw face,
people who cn eventually make me look like a fool,
people who still want for more.
k.
whatever.
i dun give a fuck.
maybe i shud try shutting my own trap.

dont wish to continue on the topic.

went CCK interchange with Ricky to proceed back home.
in bus 302 le,
BOSS called.
asked me where i am.
so i told him i in bus from CCK to go home.
then fine.
he said okay n our conversation hung up.
i thought it was just normal for him to called me and asked irrelevant qs.-_-".
when my bus reached the bus stop,
i instant stunned when i saw BOSS,qh,lw n gab.
earlier before,
BOSS spam me msges with craps when i was in macdonald.
and nearly half n hr later,
he's right in front of my eyes.
i thot what had happened.
then i got to know that qh told him about my blog and told him about the case.
BOSS threw tantrums at the bus stop.
keep insisting why i didnt told him about it yesterday.
and i told him my reasons all.
then again.
he nagged wad he came down just to ensure nth happen la wad la.
then sumore say if sumthing happened,
he there la wad la.
then sent me home like i really in grave danger like that.
but actually very cute la okay.
lol.
in the middle of the night.
kena escorted like bodyguards.
other ppl also looking.
the okay.
i got home safely and they all went home.
isnt it a waste of their time?
anyway i really appreciated it larhs.
thanx to u all.

wad an embarassment.i can imagine myself crying out loud on the actual day.it would really be an embarrasment.from the way u said it.i appreciate u giving comments about the volume n wadever in the squad.but to be frank,i really cnt do much.for the fact that u realised it,i knew it.sure many people have the same opinion.but as i said,i've drained my energy enuff shouting to give motivation n give some training.but all efforts were not worth it.so what can i do..?i dun really wish to go on the actual day though if i cn predict wad i will get.i really thank u for telling me ur opinion a few mins ago.but as i said,just what cn i do when people dunwan to make the effort n appreciate wadever i've done.

; DEATH AWAITS
9:52 PM

Monday, November 12, 2007

im in no mood to joke in today's post.
start off the day with component training.
not satisfying.
want to scold also no mood.
want to comment also not interested.
because i know if i say,
some people here in there out.
ask to shout.
dunwan to shout.
ask to be louder,
only for a few seconds.
whole day component training.
sorry,
i not very understanding if u say u tired or no energy.
then u think i shout for fun?
if i cn do it why cant the others.
yes,
u cn say when i everytime shout,
i can maintain because i keep drinking water.
FINE.
starting from now,
i wont drink water n shout my hearts out!!
if u all think is not fair,
i will make it fair.

i just have no comment about today's training.
im just not in the mood to comment anything.
wad i expect,
i dont get it.
wad i dint expect,
i get it.
want to say disappointed,
i shan't say so.
i just cant describe it with words.
i just dont understand why people complain when they have not even taste the worse.
this is just a small kind of thing n complain until to a large extend.
want act cute act innocent.
innocent decent nonsense arh!
people ask,
dunwan say.
but still complain behind.
still say training very tough.
tough?
laugh out loud.
if u dont know the exact meaning of 'tough',
please dont describe it to a situation.
just see how tomorrow.
im in a really no mood to joke around.

got home and online.
firman instant find me.
say that cb kia find him and ask many things about me n my whereabouts.
say wanna bash me and boss up.
especially me.
because of what had happened 4 years ago,
he still tried to make it big n sought revenge after that incident beside lot1.
MASQOTOZ had disbanded eversince 2005.
4 in home.
2 still carrying on for future.
im one of those 2.
now he not scared la.
because i now cn only survive for myself.
unlike last time.
stupid.
then just now went home.
stopped by limbang n happened to saw one of his gang member there.
sure leak de.
dunnid say.
sumore i wore sch skirt n np shirt.
i wont be surprised if i happen to saw him anywhere on my way tml.
outside sch?
yew tee?
or whatever place?
i dun give a fcuk.
wan come,
come arh!!
im not the least scared.
i've been through worse.
if kena bash up only landed up in hospital wad.
if die also better.
i will come back n seek revenge.
MASQOTOZ disbanded doesnt mean im dead.
doesnt mean also the others are dead.
once they are out,
justice would be served.
MASQOTOZ will live up to its standard once again.

im so pissed off i tell u.
first is because of this thing.
last time already kena prank call.
kena threaten.
wan come bash me up.
i dun give a damn.
today i happen to know plan alrd out to come find me.
i also dun care.
then now mother give attitude.
what does everyone want now???!!!
all want find trouble with me!!!
i know i got the troublemaker face.
dont wait until i really lose control of myself.
it will be hell for everyone.
i'd better keep cool.
but my anger is no where leaked out.
for now,
dun start messing up with me.
i may just ended up shouting at u.
i'm trying to change eversince 4 yrs ago incident.
i know i've changed alot after that.
im trying to maintain it.
but this kind of thing really will unleash back whatever i was like before.
let's keep this situation at this stage.

tml.
god will judge if i were to take a sip of water.
i really cnt stand those who just dont deserve to complain but they complain.
well let's c tml.
i wont complain.
i wont drink a sip of water.
but i will definitely shout my lungs out.
i believe.
with my raging anger,
i would be able to stay throughout.
eventhough i cn predict by the time,
i cn collapse anytime.
but since people want challenge me indirectly,
im willing to accept it

u want to play this game with me?
I'M ON.

; DEATH AWAITS
9:41 PM