im not posting about today's event.
just venting out on something i got to know today.
i would know nuts about it if i had not gotten that bloody prank cum threatening call.
why boss dunwan tell or reveal anything.
why must the enemy be telling me this.
i fcuking didnt know what had happened all the way eversince i was gone for my HOLIDAY.
boss sounded perfectly fine and all that.
he didnt even show any signs or complain of kena beaten n confront all that.
i was very stupid not to suspect anything.
if i had not gone for that HOLIDAY,
i would be the one to get my consequences.
not others who are innocent and taking the rap for me.
why must it always be like this.
others suffer on my behalf.
i felt like i've done alot of sin.
and boss on the other hand always give me the same reaction.
either he dunwan to tell me anything or he claimed that he dunwan me to worry.
dont give me this kind of fcuk okay.
i shud be the one doing that because the problem rooted out from my ownself.
i hate this.
i seriously hate this.
those idiots are really hot on my heels.
eversince the start.
when i thought they had stopped,
they worsen.
i've thought about it for long.
im going to stop all these.
dont ask me what i will be doing.
i wont tell.
it's for my ownself to know and for ownself to find out.
although it's not for the benefit of myself,
it's for the benefit of others.
for the benefit of boss who always take the rap on behalf of me making his ownself suffer.
im seriously going to stop all these.
dont grief over my loss.
altho i believe i havent enjoy life enough,
all these things that are happening are troubling not only myself but others too.
whatever has happened will be paid back with my life.
once i step out of my house,
i know anything may happen.
come on idiots.
come and get me.
___________________________________________________________________
hello everyone.
im back from my 3D2N annual unit camp.
i will update eversince the first day of camp.
27Dec DAY ONE
met up with kb and jannah for breakfast at mac.
mood was quite pissed due to some info that i got to know the day before.
something interesting indeed.
after breakfast,
went to kb house to take the 12 loaves of bread.
with all our barang barangs and the breads,
we headed to school.
CI Al n CI Shu were alrd there.
they were preparing the stuffs and so on.
we had a short debrief and went down to parade square with the cadets files.
CI jiajia came along very soon.
settle some admin stuffs and so on.
ricky got into his own nightmare due to his grouping.
group 1.
XD.
jiajia was in charge of group 1.
jannah was in charge of group 2.
i was in charge of group 3.
15 cadets in each grp.
frnakly speaking,
my face turn spastic when i got to know of some people being under my group.
but well,
as a CI,
should be professional.
lol.
-_-".
and yeah,
i booted out my professionalism.
likewhat Julitta said in her blog,
i worked things out not the "engkhye&jolene" way but the "haslinda" way.
haha.
EH HALO!!!
and guess what,
the other CIs in my unit also kena influenced.
but i believe that my version was the best.
lol.
brag n self praise again.
first day nothing much la.
play games and all that.
bunk in.
cadets kena scold because they deserve it.
although lunch and dinner had quite not bad food,
HTA food is still the best.
ROFL.
along the day,
CI Khairul came.
he started off as a guy who seldom talk but along the way throughout the camp,
i regretted my previous mindset.
lol.
already first day,
he bang himself on the door.
funny shit!!
mock campfire.
was damn mad la.
cadets dunwan sing.
45 of them!!!
even my voice can be louder than all 45!!
all sing like want to die.
all face damn sleepy n tired when the time only shows around 7 plus.
i feel like giving all of them a punch man.
i know i cant compare them to my own CI atc mock campfire but please la.
they dont even try to make the effort which makes me just cant help myself but to compare.
i dont see the drive and the spirit!
well,
at least most of the time,
me n jannah spent our time laughing due to someone's pants.
-_-".
after that was obstacle course.
was in the midst of preparing with jannah,al n shu and in the mean time,we also chatted some stuffs.
debrief was the last activity.
i debrief my own group.
my tone was stagnant and abit motivating.
lol.
only first day ma.
was trying to give encouragement.
some pointers of them.
no channel 5.
slow movement.
initiative quite bad.
PICARD cn be improved.
VOLUME!
teamwork n communication to b improved.
making fun of each other.
my debrief was quite short n sweet la.
because i look at them,
they look at me,
we ended up feeling tired of each other.
lol.
seriously la.
im trying my best to put myself in their shoes.
lights out time cadets still dunwan sleep.
feel like smacking each n everyone of them.
they not sleeping is equals to delaying the CIs time.
had CI debrief until about 1 plus am.
then all 7 CIs went to bathe until 2 plus am.
after that we went back to work.
finish off our own stuffs that need to be done and also helping each other out.
i was memorising things and writing stuffs on my notebook on next day's prog.
and yeah did i mentioned that shu was the first to doze off?
damn funny.
everyone was busy memorising the lyrics and actions.
some even went to the extend of trying to fly.
shu was initially eating dunno what and a few seconds later,
she was already asleep.
lol.
i memorise until i fall asleep with the paper at about 4am.
28Dec DAY TWO
Kb woke me up at about 5.30.
surprisingly,
i woke up instantly.
but was feeling damn tired.
freshen up myself and head down to parade square for the cadets to do PT n RT.
do some warm up and played captains ball.
i was the score recorder.
was quite lol la.
travelling to cck park was also a nerve wrecking one.
the cadets just refuse to close up the gap!!!
the speed of moving is alrd considered quite slow.
and the gap that they made was damn big.
it reminds me of land ex during CI atc.
during land ex when we walked dunno how many miles with fast speed and big steps.
surprisingly,
almost no gaps.
if i were to bring all these cadets go,
i think they collapsed half way.
again,
i shuldt compare.
but like what i say,
NO EFFORT WAS BEING PUT IN!!
pissed me off man.
at cck park,
cadets went for treasure hunt.
searching for clues.
was quite amusing la looking at them searching when i know where it was being placed at.
some even cant notice when the clue was right in front of their eyes.
lol.
headed back USS in bus.
during movie time which was after lunch,
i began to feel uneasy.
my lower jaw suddenly aches.
i 100% believe that it was due to the old wound caused by some idiots.
it was so freaking pain until i just dont feel like talking.
to add to that,
i was coughing madly.
the cough hasnt gone eversince my RC days.
my bad.
i didnt take any medicine at all.
thinking that it waill be gone soon.
but until my own unit camp,
im still coughing.
after initiative games which was about 5 plus,
my condition started to worsen.
my head was already spinning.
alongside with my aching jaw and continuos coughing.
and i just felt like collapsing anytime.
others ask whether im okay.
again,
my stubborness get the better off me.
i claimed that im fine.
when in fact,
i want to tell them that i felt like dying.
each time i stand still,
i will be swaying and seeing stars.
which means i can collapse anytime.
to prevent this,
i kept myself busy and kept walking here and there altho i dunhave any destination to go to.
with my state like that,
my mood was also bad.
i kept shooting people off and being sarcastic to them
dinner time dunno how to sit faster.
then expect me to pull the chairs and invite all of them to sit.
movement also damn slow.
i was really pissed off la.
thinking about them made my headache worse.
the long awaited moment.
SOEMTHING INTERESTING.
campfire.
-_-".
more of dying moment.
only initial part was quite enthu.
act only.
after that,
total gone.
nobody even bother to open their mouth and sing very loud.
from their face,
i can tell that if i were to ask them why and what happen,
they sure will tell me tired and lack of sleep.
wahh!!!
F*** off la can?!
then sumore my own batch of squadmates made things worse.
come like la la land.
frankly speaking la i was crying la when i sat at my place.
really all these things making me dying la.
esp my own squadmates la.
they're like purposely bringing everybody down.
i just cant help but to think they're ganging up with each other.
i was seriously crying at that point of time but nobody see as it was quite dark.
and still,
some idiots came only AFTER the campfire ends.
came with dyed hair but wearing NP shirt.
FCUK OFF la can???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
an embarrassment to the society.
F F F F F F F !!!!!!
i didnt even turn to look at them.
as much as i wanted to.
i DIDT EVEN TURN TO GLANCE.
they really disgusted me.
but well,
my emotions get to the better off me.
i instantly rise up and walked away without even looking at them.
i went back NP room.
then i heard that al n shu will be sending them off to the school gate.
i heck care.
jannah also.
then jannah went to the bunks with kb.
i went out.
i went to see secretly my own batch of squadmates,UO4 stepping out of school.
on the other hand,
i kept thinking why all these happen inmy own squad.
since the start we were like siblings.
we ended up being like enemies.
when all these are never my fault.
it's our own emotions.
again,
i brokedown.
i dunno why.
yes i hate them for doing this but yes i still love all of them too.
forget it.
no use crying over spilled milk.
again,
i thought of my own group in the camp.
group 3.
they're obviously taking me for granted.
okay la.
not all.
im seriously pissed.
yes i may be joking with them but i know what im doing and i know my own professionalism but they took it for granted.
eversince the start of camp i never scold them.
i continuously encouraging them but truth to be told,
they climbed on top of my head.
especially this one particular person.
i dunwan to say who.
seriously.
damn rude and damn fcuk.
answer back thinking that i never listen.
and everytime play around and i can see that he was trying to offend almost everyone in the group.
my mood was damn bad until debrief.
i scolded cum advice them.
all show sleepy face.
WANT TO SLEEP GO HOME AND SLEEP!!!!!
i will not forget that this was what i shouted.
i can see that most of them was quite shock why i became until like that.
they should ask themselves.
after debrief,
my mood worsen after discussing some things.
i even smack down my pen n CI notebook on the floor and ignore it.
and some VB ppl still want to shout here n there in the middle of the night.
guess what,
for the very first time i shouted at ppl in other CCA.
WANT TO SHOUT GO HOME AND SHOUT LA!!!!
kanina.
and the cadets turned to look what happen.
i didnt realise that they i shouted that loud.
i was totally pissed la.
for the rest of the night,
i showed the can-i-smack-u-one-time kind of face.
went back bunk,
had CI debrief again and i was the very first to sleep.
although it was not my intention to sleep but i just slept due to extreme fatigueness and my fcuking mood.
29Dec DAY THREE
woke up 5.28.
SHIT!!
i overslept.
lol.
it took me quite some time to actually realised i overslept.
the cadets suppose to fall in at 6.
other CIs are also still sleeping.
i woke jannah up,
instant take my things and chiong go bathe.
luckily still can made it quite on time la.
day three nothing much.
amazing race and all those chapalang things.
the most thing that pissed me the most.
fancy n mass drill.
i just cant say anything beyond words.
lucky for them my voice was near to CMI.
if not i had already shouted.
ARMS STRAIGHTEN!
LOCK UR ARMS!
TURN ON THE POINT!!!!
LEGS 90 DEGREES!
U ALL ARE WEARING TRACKPANTS FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
is it just so difficult??
and they were under the sun doing all these for only less than an hour?
or abit more than half an hr?
and they look like they've been under the sun for the whole day!!!
speaking of my POP training.
even i stand under the sun,
surprisingly i felt nothing.
like what has also been said in Julitta's blog.
seriously nothing.
shout the cheer at the end also,
haizz..
i seriously dunno what to say.
I JUST CANT HELP BUT TO COMPARE!
3 hours of drill training each during CI course and almost whole day POP training under the sun with the damn fcuking rifle.
seriously la people.
as what was being brought up during the CI debrief in the middle of the night,
these cadets need to be treated the harsh way.
i know during the camp,
i gave too much face.
believe me people,
i will soon change.
a brand new year,
a brand new me.
by the time,
i wont care if everyone chose to hate me.
camp ended and went to lunch with the CIs at mac.
went back home and instant sleep.
revenge man.
slept until so happy.
first event i came back to my unit as CI.
and there's more to come.
believe me people.
the other side of me will soon come.
throughout this camp,
i want to extend my gratitude to all CIs involve esp camp coord CI Al n CI Shu.
plus external CI s who came to help,
CI Khairul n CI Jiajia.
myself,CI Jannah n CI Kaibing.
whom all have helped and guided me through this camp.
thank you so much.
furthermore,
to my BOSS who never fails to cheer me up and sorry if i charged at u on the phone and u heard me cry when i called u to complain alot alot alot.
u were there just to make me feel better.
thank you so much and yes i love u very much.
>.<
____________________________________________
this part is dedicated to FABIAN!!!
everytime kept shooting me and kbkb me.
jealous of rena just say la.
haha.
FABIAN is such a great friend.
he online instant talk to me.
FABIAN was so concern.
he asked whether i manage to scold or pump my cadets.
so concern right??
i will never forget FABIAN during my CI course days.
FABIAN everytime cheer me up with he nonsensical antics.
his bigs smile always made me smile.
to summarise,
FABIAN is a great person to be with.
seriously.
FABIAN,
u shud thank me.
lol.
see,
Rena's name only appear one time.
including this one is 2.
u happy?
hahahhahaha.
everyone in DELTA cheers me up la okay!!
=))))))
; DEATH AWAITS
9:34 PM
9:34 PM
