didnt post yst which was 11 jan as the reason will be stated below and also i wasnt feeling very well.
so just take the TODAY as the date that it actually happened.
11 JANUARY 2008
a date to remember.
the suay-est day of my life eversince the past 16 years im living in this world.
1) suppose to be meeting kb and jannah in yew tee mac at 7.40 for breakfast and get NProom key from kb.
guessed what?
for the very seldom time,
i overslept.
only to be waking up at 7.15 when that was the time i was suppose to set off already.
2) waited for bus 302 to yew tee mrt station at 7.35am.
saw quite alot of people waiting at bustop,thinking that the bus will come soon.
i waited there like a noob and the bus still hasnt come and yet the amount of people kept increasing.
within the time that i was waiting,across the road,there were already THREE bus 302 heading towards CCK mrt station that had passed.
guess how long i waited for that fcuking bus?
for the very first time,
a bloody 15 minutes for that bus 302 which usually come in less than 5 mins esp during peak hours.
i was already late and this bus made me later.
in the process,
i sms-ed kb telling her where i was and that i would be late with the inclusive of a few vulgarities in it as a form of cursing myself.
oh ya,forget to say.
i didnt took the bus to yew tee mrt station.
i got pissed off and boarded the FOURTH bus 302 across the road heading to CCK mrt station.
when i could jolly well took only a bus towards yew tee,
i ended up taking both bus and mrt just to get there.
wtf.
3) i dunno what went wrong or what had i done or what happened,
i didnt even realised i knocked down a glass of water which landed up on the 3 sets of songlist that i had printed the day before for today's programme during NP training.
all the 3 sets of songlist were hardcore-ly wet and i threw them away.
4) had only a few more minutes before i set off to meet jannah to go back sch for NP.
i switched on my com to print the songlist once again as i had saved a copy in my desktop.
guess what?
my printer gone haywire.
it kept telling me scanner failure when i all i wanted to use was the PRINTER.
i switched off and on my com for FOUR times and it's still the same.
i got pissed off,
i totally did not print anything and switched off my com to get ready to meet Jannah.
i even brought my whole course handbook down just for the songlist.
because of that course handbook,
i cant bring my small bag which i usually bring.
as i was in a rush,
i ended up bringing my corporate bag.
yes.
that same corporate bag that i brought around while travelling in HTA during my CI course.
5) the moment i found out that all my rushing-ness was futile throughout the day.
totally emo-ed for that time.
jannah was right to say that she followed me rush for nothing and woke up darn early in the morning.
a sense of guilt was surrounding me at that point of time.
i dunno who i was angry at or what i was angry about.
in the end,
i conclude that im angry at my ownself.
just dun wanna elaborate more about what happen actually on this point.
6) want to head down to the vending machine to quench my thirst.
the drink that i want was sold out.
in fact all the drinks were sold out.
what the fucking hell.
even a vending machine tried to find fault in me.
seeing me cursing that vending machine,
Jannah was laughing at me as she had never seen me like that before.
for her 5 years of knowing me as her friend.
in the end i bought a can of ice lemon tea from the other vending machine.
7) finished the whole can of ice lemon tea and wanted to throw the can in the dustbin that was found a few centimetres away from NP room.
only to found that the dustbin had VANISHED.
when all along it has always been there,
it VANISHED.
i went down the stairs,
walked a few centimetres just to throw that can.
again,
Jannah laughed at me for my bad luck for the whole day plus all the way i was cursing that dustbin.
8) the lack of training places.
outside NP room,
the cc people alrd using which i found the reaosn as to why they used that place for their cc training was TOTALLY unlogical.
went behind Dnt block.
BB was there playing dunno what captains ball.
went behind Oasis.
again,
BB was there doing dunno what.
furthermore,
as we could use the space there that was available,
dunno got what event the fcuking sch has today,
all the cars that came in chose to park there.
went to the lot near science lab.
also lack of space.
dun even talk about parade square.
for the very first time,
volleyball using.
outside GO,
netball using.
foyer beside GO,
red cross using.
bloody hell.
so meaning NPCC no space la.
discussd with kb and we ended up back to outside NP room.
cc people head down to beside the field(HELLO!!they shud be there in the first place)
dunno who gave instruction.
o.0
9) the moment when i just thought of packing up my things and leave.
the moment when i wanted to shed tears but it just wont come out.
the moment when i wanted to box one person but i controlled myself due to the attire that i was in.
full u.
one person in that unit of mine chose to put words into my mouth as well as kb's mouth.
especially ME.
he insisted that he had asked me a particular qs when he didnt.
he even insisted that i had answered him.
hell i didnt.
he didnt even ask that qs to me!!
i can very well remember!!!!
and yet he kept insisting that i was the one at fault and want people to believe him.
i kept convincing that the particular conversation had never happened.
i even went to the extent of swearing.
OMG.
lucky him that he apologised to me.
if not,
some people will be deemed as totally hopeless in my eyes.
even so,
im quite adversely emotionally affected about this case.
but i chose not to bother.
10) this will be quite long.
i already had the intention of using the com when i reached home because as far as i know,
i got an important information to check about.
saw my brother using.
i told him i wanted to use.
my mother came and told me that he just used.
he got all the time in the world to use when he finished sch at 1pm but he chose the time when i reached home to use.
wtfucking hell was that?
i even said i want to use for only half hr.
my mom bargained to let me use for 15 mins only.
yet my mom said let him play until 11pm.
then i rebut back.
why not i played until 11pm after that he cn use.
guess what?
i got scolded.
she said that by the time,
it was already time for him to sleep because he very tired.
then also say i everytime use until i forget everything.
eh please la.
he went off school morning n reached home 1 plus.
he cn do anything he want after got home.
slp or play com or wad but he nv.
then me?
i today went out of house morning also,
sumore my day today is totally bad.
and i was kept busy for the whole time.
went for training and all that and only reached home at 9pm.
so u mean im not tired???
wow!!!
wonderful!!!
so my bro is tired i not tired la?!
everytime is like this.
for how many years already.
and yet i said nothing.
because i know no matter how i cursed or no matter how many cold wars i had with my mom,
nothing will change.
eversince dunno when,
i already treated this house of mine like a hotel.
will that be fine with everyone?
my mom also everytime mood swing.
most of the time talk to me like want fight.
when i talked like that,
again got scolded.
but who cares?
if that's the way u talk,
i follow.
i got pissed off,
i instant went to my room,
bang the door,
threw my hp and my stuffs around and cursed.
went to bathe,
watched tv and cursed.
and the bloody brother of mine,
trying to show his humble-ness to my mother and acting innocent,
around 15 mins later,
he asked me whether i want to use the com because he dunwanna use again.
for fuck?
he shud be saying that abt 20 mins earlier and save all the trouble.
i instant told him dun need and dont bother.
totally spoilt my mood.
and he went to told my mom this,
" mummy,she dunwan play the com.so i switch off la.i also dun find any use in using the com already"
how fcuking innocent can he get????
bastard.
and guess what again?
out of a sudden.
kena nag.
"your brother already say dunwan use,he asked whether u want use,u just say dunwan.just now u say u want right.so what kind of attitude are u showing me now?"
i act as if i heard nothing and carried on watching my tv.
im showing u a fucking up attitude is that fine with you??
deep inside my heart,
the tormenting feeling is definitely unbearable.
all these ten pointers caused my day from bad to worse and from worse it became a disaster.
i seriously dont know whats happening.
all these happen within one day.
ONE DAY.
i chose not to be angry with anyone or anything.
let it just be my fault.
from this then i can reflect.
let it just be my fault okay.
maybe for now im just not in the luck.
to end this unlucky day of mine,
i got sick and was shivering in the middle of the night.
' i cant believe i brought tears to my sleep
all thanks to 11 january 2008.
12 January 2008
spent my whole day sleeping.
woke up only to bathe and eat breakfast.
was constantly woken up by phonecalls.
mainly from people who want to ask me out.
people like rahman and fadhilah.
i told them i was not free when the fact that i was lying on my bed,
just dun have the energy to do anything.
i seriously really dun have the energy and for the whole time today,
i was feeling cold.
i was even asleep when the whole family went out and when they reached home,
i was still sleeping.
finally woke up at 5pm.
felt much better.
ate some food and had a chat with dad.
altho he can be a pain the ass some times,
he's worth chatting with at certain point of time.
never fails to cheer me up with his nonsense.
planned to be on the com at 6pm but the little bastard was there.
told him 7pm i want use.
i was already considered to be very good.
still cn show me that fucking face of his.
started using the com at 7pm and until now,9.48,
im still blogging as blogger decide to be a fcuktard today which i dunno why.
after this,
im gonna watch tv.
tml will be having a date with the other 5 women of time(LOL) watching movie.
been a long time since i have seen them.
gonna catch up with each other's lives.
till then.
_________________________________________________________________
I'll paint it on the walls
Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
; DEATH AWAITS
3:16 AM
3:16 AM
