i've never felt this kind of affected feeling before.
until all these psychos came.
even about TWL who has been chasing me since i dunno when,
im not the least affected by it.
but these psychos...
make me just wanna kill myself one day.
due to these psychos,
im living in fear.
not only me but other people too.
due to these psychos,
im living in suspicions.
suspicions as to which part of the story is true and which is not.
due to these psychos,
im living in confusion.
confusion as to who am i suppose to report to of my daily activities and relationship.
the main factor that affects me the most is,
due to these psychos,
all my loved ones are being dragged down.
especially my dearest BOSS.
____________________________________________________________________
who are u to downgrade him?
what right have u to downgrade him?
just who the fcuking hell are u to downgrade him?
u made a mess in the first place.
this is is a total mess!
he did whatever he did out of not wanting me to get hurt.
just who in the hell gave u the right to shoot him back?
just who in the hell gave u the right to dare him back?
and just who in the hell gave u the right to make him depress?
by labelling him as a D _ _ _ A _ _ _ _ _!
do u think ure a saint urself?
do u think ure so good?
why dont u take a mirror and reflect on urself.
u should consider urself lucky i never do anything to you.
not because i pity u or whatsoever.
i've never not an inched pity u.
i just never do anything because im RESTRICTED.
get it.
im RESTRICTED.
if im not RESTRICTED,
u would be going home crying to ur mom who might not even recognize u as her child.
i gave u chances to retreat.
i just hope that u will get far away from me.
but i felt that as the days go by,
ure really getting on my nerves.
not only u disturb me.
but u also downgrade a person most dearest to me RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES!
u totally have no right to be doing that!
now because of u,
u made matters worse.
right now he is not the person whom he should be like.
when another matter eventually made him depressed,
u were the initial cause who made him depress in the first place!!
it is all your fault!
it is all your fcuking fault!
god please pity me for not being able to do anything.
i felt so helpless.
i felt so stupid to be crying over this matter.
i felt so pathetic to not be able to do anything to help him.
just because of ONE fcuking psychotic ass,
all these were to happen.
somebody kill me please.
im already dead anyway.
____________________________________________________________________
dun be too depressed over the matter.
i know that psycho has been affecting u drastically.
but like i say,
just treat as if nothing has happened.
u have got other important things to think off.
like the most recent.
sorry if im curious but because i was too curious i got the news from someone else.
ur 'dad' already has a son.
yes i know although we ourselves know of the fact that ur dad alrd dont regard u as his son eversince the death of ur mom and eversince he found a new mistress,
he still plays a part in bringing u to this world.
u saw what a happy family ur 'dad' has with his mistress and son whom u dont even know had been born into this world until u saw it with ur own eyes.
u saw how close they were.
when i got to know about this news from that someone,
my heart broke totally.
that already describe my feelings.
then what about yours.
totally cnt be describe.
i understand ur situation.
the topic about ur 'dad' can already make u feel affected.
whatsmore this news of a HAPPY FAMILY ur 'dad' has.
of course u felt worse.
u should have told me what happened.
u seemed to be avoiding me.
no.
u seemed to be avoiding from reality.
this is indeed reality.
and i know reality do hurts.
but u just cant run away from it.
if u told me what happened,
i could share with u the aftermath of ur suffering.
but why do i need to find out from other people instead of u?
i guess u will give me the same reason that is not wanting me to get hurt.
but by u not telling me what had happened,
will that make me feel better?
ure totally wrong my dear.
until now,
at this point of time where im typing,
u still refuse to tell me what exactly happened.
i dun blame u.
ure totally not at fault.
ure just a victim of situation.
i will try whatever i can to make u the person whom u should be.
no point carrying on being like this.
u know there are more people who care for u.
u know that i care for u.
u know i do.
; DEATH AWAITS
7:15 PM
7:15 PM
