I find myself not in the real world.
I find myself not in the futuristic reality.
No matter how much as how I do not want to offend the people around me,
No matter how much as how I dunwan to disappoint the people around me,
No matter how much as how I want to please the heart of the people around me,
All I get are misunderstandings and misconceptions of situations.
No appreciations.
No expressing of gratitude.
No response of normality.
All I get was what I wasn’t expecting to get.
So far,
Whatever I had said or done was not for my ownself.
But for the heart of the people who are involved.
Yes I know I’d lied under some situations.
But does anyone ever asked why I did that??
Because I dunwan to offend the affected party!!
Easy as that!!
It’s not because I lied to save my ownself.
That was never my intention.
It’s because I really treasured all the commitments that I have made resulting me in doing all these.
Nobody understands me.
Other than BOSS who always listen to my rants,
NOBODY.
Because I believe no one would ever understand.
There are so many hearts for me to take care of.
There are so many hearts for me to please.
There are so many people I dunwan to offend.
This is just driving me crazy.
I really hate myself for being like this.
I cant even overcome my own weaknesses.
Everything and everyone just make me feel guilty of myself.
I have never escape from this guilt feeling.
Even though I wasn’t the one who cause the problem.
But I feel the guilt.
I just felt that other people are controlling me.
Other people are chaining me indirectly.
I seriously need my own life.
I want to be free!
I know my own limits.
I want to do whatever I want with the accordance of my own limits.
I know what im doing.
Yes,
I appreciate and will accept people correcting my mistakes and all.
But I just hate it when people teach me what to do.
And worse of all,
The reason just doesn’t make sense.
Im just a normal human being.
A homosapien same as everyone.
Im not a robosapien.
It just pissed me off completely when anybody who do things that will offend me,
Just do it like nobody business.
While I said nothing although it really disappoints me or hurt me emotionally or whatever u call it.
I even don’t think about it anymore.
On the other hand,
When I did the SAME thing or less hardcore than that,
The consequences that I get is like IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD.
WHERE IN THE FUCKING HELL IS JUSTICE???!!!!
I even have this thought of breaking down in front of everyone and tell them whatever I feel.
Seriously this feeling is a big burden to me.
I just dunno who to please.
I just dunno who to satisfy.
I just dunno who to show care and concern to.
When all these while,
I never even thought about myself.
I need a break.
I really need a break from all these.
People are suffocating and drowning me up to my nose.
I love everyone.
I love my family.
I love all my friends.
I love them all.
I just need people to understand me.
Please.
All these stuffs are just killing me.
It’s not an easy time for me trying to please everyone.
When I choose to please one party,
The other would be offended and vice versa.
Im just myself.
I work things out myself.
Please do give me some space to breathe.
If u are unhappy or want to clarify anything,
Just tell me without any hesitation.
I will of course explain the whole situation.
Everything I do,
I did it for a reason.
Nobody knows what I feel for every action that I was doing.
Nobody knows what was my real intention of doing things.
Nobody knows.
And when nobody knows,
All they can do is to assume.
And when they assume,
They will misunderstand.
And when there’s misunderstanding,
All the unpleasant things that u dunwan to happen,
It happens.
All these lie within one vicious factor.
THE FACT THAT I WAS TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE INSTEAD OF MYSELF.
I dun need any sympathy.
I dun even sympathize for myself.
I just want to be understood.
I just want all these to end.
But I don’t know when….
; DEATH AWAITS
7:05 PM
7:05 PM
